Saying no to You
by Midnight's Dead Now
Summary: DISCONTINUED Sirius and Remus have been friends since their first year. Faced with the trials of being more, they try to maintain their romance and remain friends. SLASH
1. Default Chapter

**Saying no to You**

Relationships: JP/LE, SB/RL

Rating: PG-13 for now; may change to R in later chapters

A/N: My first fic to be posted. Be nice and I'll continue it (I intend to anyway). And as always, review! Please?

It was late at night when Sirius finally returned to the Gryffindor common room. Peter had long since retreated to their dormitory, so only James and Remus were present to witness Sirius's triumph. Indeed, Sirius looked much more pleased with himself than usual. His mischievous grin told his friends exactly what he probably would not without exaggeration: he had just come from a particularly excellent shag, obviously with some new girl with the looks to earn his attentions.

            "Who was it this time?" asked James, not out of curiosity, but to get the bragging part of his friend's confession over.

            "Chloe Mathers," Sirius replied, grinning broadly. "You know, the Ravenclaw sixth-year."

            James nodded. Remus only frowned.

            "We had to meet later than we wanted to because McGonagall was hanging around." He winked roguishly at his friends, neither of whom was very entertained with what he had just told them.

            Remus kept his mouth closed and felt his frown deepen. Of all things to brag about, it had to be how good a shag Chloe Mathers was. Remus personally got tired of hearing Sirius voice his belief that he was God's gift to women. After all, there were only so many girls in Hogwarts, and it seemed that Sirius's goal was to have gotten inside each of their skirts at least once before he graduated. Yet somehow, it wasn't the idea that Sirius was bragging about his escapades that bothered Remus. No, what really disturbed him was that it was _Sirius_ who was going about sleeping with every girl in the school. He puzzled over the thought for a moment before rejecting it. Why should he care what Sirius chose to do with his life? It wasn't as if their friendship was going to suffer because of it.

            Sirius was busy telling James exactly what Chloe was like. "She wasn't very good, but since she's attractive…" he was saying. James only nodded with feigned interest as Sirius went on, with more flagrant details than before. He was using such descriptive language about his experience that Remus was sure he was about to vomit. Indeed, he stood up abruptly and left the room, taking the stairs to the dormitory three at a time. "What's wrong with him?" asked Sirius, all interest in his talk about Chloe Mathers flying out the window as he looked up the stairs after Remus.

            "Maybe he doesn't like detail," said James blandly.

            Sirius dropped the whole boast and went dashing upstairs after his friend, arriving in the dormitory in record time. He approached the closed hangings around Remus's bed and jerked them apart. He gulped hard and faltered, forgetting what he was about to say. Of course, Sirius Black never lost his train of thought without good reason.

            He was looking down at a very wide-awake – and quite scantily clad – Remus. The regulation black school robes had been shed for smoky gray sleep shorts, enough to make any sane person's mouth water when they saw what was outlined there. Sirius, sadly, was a sane person. He stood with his mouth hanging open until Remus sat up, not even bothering to pull the blanket around him, and said, "What is it, Padfoot?"

            Sirius nearly fell over, still dazed. He closed his mouth for a moment, but it fell open again within seconds. "Uhh, nothing," he lied. God, why did he have to behave this way around one of his best friends? After all, it was only _Remus_, though at the moment he was looking incredibly sexy. Sirius tried to push the thoughts out of his head, but he failed. He sat back on his bed, still facing Remus, and managed to close his mouth.

            "Are you sure?" Remus asked, stirring as if to move closer.

            "I'm just tired," Sirius said quickly before adding a hardly decipherable, "Good night." He jerked his curtains closed and fell back against his pillow. It had been a close call. The strange thoughts he had about Remus were intensifying by the day. He'd almost ducked out of his meeting with Chloe tonight, though he went anyway and pretended that she was Remus. Why was he thinking this way? He'd never really found Remus attractive…or had he? Sirius blushed with private guilt as he thought of all the times he'd fantasized about his friend. He quickly changed into his pajamas and got under his covers, but he couldn't sleep. Only a few feet away, he could still hear Remus breathing slowly. _He must be asleep by now_. Sirius waited a moment, sat up, and slid out of bed.

            He crept quickly to Remus's bed, pushed the hangings aside silently, and studied the werewolf. Sure enough, Remus was asleep now, on his back with the sheets kicked down around his feet. Sirius eyed the long, leanly muscular legs for a long time before he jerked his gaze back up. He fought back the temptation to brush a stray lock of tawny brown hair back from his friend's forehead, as well as resisted the urge to stroke his cheek. What was wrong with him tonight? His heart was pounding madly as he leaned over and dropped one butterfly kiss on Remus's forehead. The other boy didn't even move, didn't make a sound. Sirius smiled and retreated to his bed again, his tumultuous mind eased.

Breakfast the next morning brought a strained atmosphere over the Marauders. James was talking about ideas for their newest prank, which he claimed was only a stand-in till he could pass "prankster's block," while Peter was immersed in a deeply boring book and seemed not to be truly listening. Sirius was staring across the table at Remus. Just moments before, their knees had bumped together again – unavoidable, since both were quite tall – and both had blushed uncontrollably. Remus seemed not to notice Sirius's rapt gaze, and instead continued to eat as he nodded and agreed with James's plans. "And then we rip the stupid git's robes right in front of the girls," James was saying, referring, of course, to Severus Snape, a greasy slimeball of a Slytherin whom they loved to hate. "Mind, we'd have to follow that up with something spectacular…"

            "Catch his shorts on fire," Peter said halfheartedly.

            "Brilliant," James grinned. "You know, it could just work. We rip the back of his robes and catch his shorts on fire right in front of all the girls." He was positively beaming now, pleased with how horrible his plans would be for Snape. "He'll never live it down." James was starting to laugh maniacally, ignoring the stares of several confused girls.

            "There's only one problem, Prongs," said Remus quietly. "Severus will know that it was us. He'll go straight to Professor Dumbledore, and there's no getting out of it if it's our less than honorable word against his."

            James looked as though his Christmas had been canceled. He scowled darkly. "Scratch that plan," he said. "For today, let's just drop some Dungbombs and rip Snape's robes. No fire," he added, noting the warning look on Remus's face. "Just ruin part of his reputation for now, and shatter the rest later when he least expects it."

            He fell silent, and Peter excused himself, stating that he needed to visit the library again to study for History of Magic. Sirius looked back at Remus and felt his face go scarlet when Remus met his eyes. Their gazes locked and for a long time, they stared at one another, both blushing furiously. Sirius was shocked to see that a deep passion was burning in Remus's beautiful chocolate eyes, but he was too busy fantasizing about his friend to ponder what it meant. Only when he heard James's voice did he break out of the trance. "Padfoot, Moony, snap out of it," said James. "We need to go to class!"

            Remus nearly fell out of his chair with shock. "What?"

            James sighed, seeming slightly annoyed. "We need to go to class. Dungbombs, remember."

            "Oh…right." Remus looked confused.

            "C'mon, Padfoot, you have to come too. No more being late because you're shagging some girl."

            Sirius jumped and blushed guiltily as he glanced over at Remus. "You've got me all figured out," he said blankly. James didn't seem to notice the lack of mirth in his friend's voice, and rather he stood up and started to walk. Remus followed closely, but Sirius took a moment before realizing what was happening. He had been too busy wondering what Remus thought of all his nighttime adventures. After all, there had been so many…

            He hardly paid any attention as Professor McGonagall lectured the class. He didn't even know what she was talking about, and halfheartedly polished his wand as she continued. When it came time to actually demonstrate his knowledge of what was happening, he sat blankly looking at the raccoon that he and James were supposed to share. It was asleep, but he still had no idea what it was supposed to become. He noticed that Remus was doing well, as usual, and hadn't looked once in his direction. For some reason, Sirius felt disappointed.

            _Come on, Black, you know how you feel about him. Why can't you just admit it?_

            But Sirius did not want to think about one of his best friends that way. Why, _why couldn't he just feel like he always did?_

            _But you've always felt the same about Remus, said that soft, irritating voice in his head._

            "Shut up," Sirius mumbled under his breath. No one noticed.


	2. Past Prankster's Block

**Saying no to You**

Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin *SLASH*

Rating: PG-13 (may change to R)

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I don't own a single character in this story, all right? Don't sue me for using them. Except Chloe Mathers…she's mine, though I don't know if that's a good thing. ^^;

A/N: Please be nice. This is one of my first slash fics, not to mention my very first fic to be posted. Please, please review! I really appreciate your input!

~Chapter Two: Past Prankster's Block~

Sirius stared at the blank piece of parchment in front of him. He was supposed to be writing a composition for History of Magic, but his mind wasn't on it. Of course, it never really was, but tonight that was worse than ever. He kept remembering last night's incident in the dormitory. Why had he kissed Remus like that? It wasn't as though the other boy knew what had happened, but it still plagued him. What had he been thinking? After all, Remus was one of his best friends. Most people didn't find their friend sexy when he laid about the dormitory in his sleep shorts. Most people didn't kiss their friends on the forehead when said friend was asleep, as were the other inhabitants of the dormitory.

            "Padfoot, what is wrong with you?" James's voice cut through Sirius's confused thoughts.

            Sirius jerked his head up and blushing, he looked at his best friend.

            "I've asked you three times, what do you think?"

            "About what?"

            "Padfoot!" exclaimed James, shocked. He clapped a hand to his heart and cried theatrically, "I'm wounded!" He pretended to sink to the floor, then sat back up. "I asked if you thought we should sneak into the Slytherin dormitory and light off some fireworks, drop some Dungbombs, maybe put some makeup on a particular Slytherin male's greasy face. Then we steal some of that Slytherin's underwear…" he trailed off, an impish grin on his face as he reveled in this latest idea.

            Sirius shook off all last thoughts of Remus and the previous night as he felt a grin creeping across his face. "I love the way your mind works," he said, beginning to rub his hands together. "It's ruddy brilliant! Imagine Snape's face when we get done with him." He began to laugh hysterically, soon joined by James.

            "May I ask what's so funny?" asked Remus, who had just entered the common room.

            Sirius wiped tears of mirth from his eyes and looked up at Remus. He felt himself blush, but he paid it no mind. "Prongs has come up with a brilliant new scheme. It seems he's gotten through prankster's block." He began to chuckle softly.

            "What is this brilliant scheme?" Remus sat down beside Sirius, looking interested.

            "Well," James took over to explain his vision, "We sneak into the Slytherin dormitory, light off some fireworks, drop Dungbombs, put some makeup on Snape's disgusting face and perhaps steal some of his underwear for future use…" He grinned as Remus raised an interested and amused eyebrow.

            "Isn't it great?" Sirius asked, beginning to laugh heartily again.

            Remus smiled. "Yes," he said. "And I would love to do it, but…"

            "But what?!" Sirius interjected, feigning a scandalized expression. "Why, Moony, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the plan!" He wiped imaginary tears from his eyes. "You're so doubtful of Prongs's abilities."

            "No, it's not that," said Remus, still smiling. "But remember you don't know how to get into the Slytherin common room."

            "Ah," James grinned. "I'm one up on you, Moony."

            "How so?"

            "I already know that we need the password. That's the thing. I was hoping you could help me come up with a way of getting in…"

"You're brilliant, Moony," praised James as they retrieved the Invisibility Cloak from his trunk. "I don't see why I didn't think of it before."

            Remus only blushed. "Come on. We have to go." The three who were going on the mission grabbed their supplies, loading their arms down, and James looked meaningfully over at Peter.

            Peter stopped chewing his nails and nodded, and took up his task of looking out to make sure the coast was clear. He nodded affirmation, so the other three covered themselves with the Invisibility Cloak. "We'll be back as soon as we're finished," said James quietly. Peter only nodded his head again and saw them out of the portrait hole. He followed them for a moment before turning around to go back to the common room.

            However, the other three went down towards the dungeons. James, who was in the middle, caught sight of two Slytherin girls headed down a nearby corridor, so he nudged his friends in the ribs. He gestured to the girls and the direction they were heading. The three boys followed silently. When the girls stopped at a bare stretch of damp stone wall, the Marauders stopped and waited patiently. "Parseltongue." The wall slid open as soon as the girl finished speaking.

            James nudged his friends and they continued into the common room behind the girls.

            It was quite a bleak room, and it seemed that most of the Slytherins had left it for their dormitories. It was Sirius's turn to nudge James, who poked Remus. Sirius gestured to a door where Snape himself was headed. The Marauders followed him and pulled back into an empty corner as soon as they got the chance. They sat down on the cold stone floor and turned away partially as the Slytherin boys changed from the regulation black school robes. Lucius Malfoy seemed particularly smug about something. One of the others asked him what it was, and he replied proudly, "Narcissa finally agreed to further our relationship." The tone in his voice suggested exactly what had happened, and Sirius pulled a face. Remus and James had to stifle their laughter quickly.

            Once the Slytherins were actually in bed, it was a matter of time before the Marauders could get to work. Remus pulled the various kinds of makeup out from his pockets. They threw off the Invisibility Cloak and moved forward to select their victims. "'Further their relationship,'" mocked Sirius. "He just wanted to get laid." James sniggered, but Remus remained tight-lipped. He seemed preoccupied, though there was no time to ask about it now. Sirius knew better than to do that in front of James, anyway. The other would be sure to get suspicious. Sirius never asked Remus what was wrong if he was quiet. Never.

            "Well then, you can work on Malfoy," said James, still sniggering. "What a shock poor Narcissa will get when she sees dear Lucius with some lovely lipstick." Sirius joined him in laughter before setting to. James took Snape, while Remus worked on one of the others. They were silent now except for occasional laughs or requests for a particular cosmetic.

"I think the red suits him nicely," said Sirius as they studied James's handiwork on Snape. "And I think the glittery blue is a nice touch. He looks like a cheap whore."

            "That's the look I was going for."

            "Imagine their faces when they realize it won't come off for a full twenty-four hours," Sirius added gleefully. He glanced over at Remus, and felt immense relief to see that the other was smiling. _It's so cute when he does that. It should be against the law for anyone to be so beautiful. He shook himself inwardly, shoving thoughts of Remus out of his head. He needed to concentrate on the prank at hand. "Here, look at Malfoy." He pointed to the next bed._

            They moved on to study Sirius's work. "Hmmm," said Remus. "Interesting color choice."

            "Pink is his color," said James, starting to laugh again. "Besides, I like the clash between that and the eyeshadow."

            "Hey, I was only lucky that we had that horrible green. It looked like some kind of vomit."

            The three boys laughed again. "He looks like a cheap whore, too," said James.

            "I think they all do." Remus showed them his work. "But we still need to work on the last two. How about we collaborate?"

            "Good idea. C'mon, let's get to work."

            Moments later, they were sitting back enjoying the effects of their work. Before they could laugh too heartily, however, James shushed them and opened Snape's trunk. "Grab some of their underwear, too," he instructed the others. Sirius nodded enthusiastically and dashed to Malfoy's trunk. Once two pairs had been retrieved from each Slytherin's trunk, the three got back under the Invisibility Cloak.

            Sirius produced the fireworks and James tapped both quickly with his wand. They made a mad dash from the dormitory, but not before wild screams came from behind them. The girls started to trail out of their dormitory, looking sleepy and irritated. James dropped several Dungbombs as they left the common room. No one even noticed that the wall had just opened. They were all too busy tending to the emergency in the boy's dormitory.

            Once they were back outside the portrait of the Fat Lady, Peter was waiting for them. He said the password ("chocolate liqueur") and the three hurried in before him. Once the portrait hole was closed, and they noted that the coast was clear, the three shed the cloak once again. "So? What happened?" Peter asked eagerly. He seemed particularly jealous when he saw them exchange mischievous glances.

            "Lucius Malfoy got the pink –"

            "Snape looked like a cheap whore –"

            "They _all looked like cheap whores –"_

            "Screamed like girls when we lit the fireworks off –"

            "Oh," said Sirius, "and Malfoy was bragging about shagging Narcissa. He's just proud because he finally got laid. It's not like she's any prize, of course…" He trailed off because he had succeeded in making the other three howl with laughter. Sirius looked straight at Remus and felt a strange pull when he noticed that Remus's solemn air had vanished. Remus looked so good when he was in a good mood. For that matter, he looked good no matter what.

            Why was he thinking this way?

            Remus was only one of his best friends, after all, not some girl to shag for the sake of it. So why did he feel this way when he looked at his friend, rather than when he saw some attractive girl in the corridors? Of course, sometimes Sirius wondered why he even bothered to mess around with all those girls. He knew it didn't mean anything to him. All it did was give him a reputation as a player, because he rarely spent more than one night with a girl before he dumped her for another.

            If he got involved with Remus, he would only end up hurting one of his best friends. He couldn't bring himself to let a romance go beyond a one-night stand. Besides, there was no way to tell how Remus felt about him.

            How little Sirius knew.

A/N: Thank you for reviewing! I had hoped to make this chapter a bit longer, but this was the way it played out. Chapter Three will follow soon. For now, this is all I have ready. Wow! Progress is so good. Please do review! =)


	3. Change of Heart

**Saying no to You**

Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin *SLASH) James Potter/Lily Evans

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Harry Potter isn't mine. It belongs to the queen, JK Rowling. I'm not getting anything out of this except for enjoyment and feedback. None of the characters in this story are mine, except for some of Sirius's flings and Lily's friends. Please don't sue me.

A/N: Thank you for reviewing. Your comments and opinions mean a lot to me.

~Chapter Three: Change of Heart~

Remus looked over at Sirius as they all laughed at the prank they'd just pulled on the Slytherins, including Snape and Lucius Malfoy. He caught his breath and felt as though his legs would turn to jelly. It really should be illegal for someone to be so attractive. Sirius made even the regulation black school robes look sexy. Remus prayed that none of the others could hear his heart pounding as he studied Sirius.

            Sirius turned his gaze to Remus and their eyes locked. Remus blushed and willed himself to look away, but his body disobeyed the direct order. There was a strange gleam in Sirius's eyes, though Remus dismissed it as premature tears of mirth. James was still laughing full force, while Peter's nervous giggles mixed with the louder sound strangely. Remus blocked them out – he was oblivious to all but Sirius.

            Finally, Sirius looked away. He was turning pink now, blushing, though Remus couldn't understand why. Had he been obvious about his feelings? Was Sirius angry, or embarrassed about something? After all, Remus personally believed that he'd been good at disguising his interest in Sirius. No one, not even sharp-eyed James, had suspected a thing. Perhaps Remus had been taking pride in his ability to keep the secret a bit too soon. He would rather be in love with Sirius in secret than lose his friendship over something as petty as a suspicion.

            As he climbed into bed that night, he watched Sirius as the other boy undressed quite hurriedly. Remus couldn't help but wonder, _Is that the way he does it when he's going to sleep with somebody? He'd never really thought about Sirius in that light before. For that matter, he'd always felt that Sirius's constant escapades with girls were pointless and sickening. Why, of all things, had Sirius chosen to shag everyone he found even remotely attractive?_

            Sirius looked over and noticed his gaze. "Are you okay, Moony? You seemed so distant tonight."

            "Oh, you noticed," Remus said.

            Sirius was taken aback. "What do you mean by that?"

            Remus shrugged. "I thought you were busy thinking about the next girl you wanted to sleep with, that's all," he said, his tone verging on bitter. "After all, isn't that the only thing you care about these days?"

            "Moony," Sirius said, sounding hurt. _Good, thought Remus. __He feels guilty. "Why did you tell me now, and not sooner?"_

            Remus nearly fell off of his bed. That wasn't the reply he'd been expecting. He could only stare at Sirius, his jaw slack. Of course, the fact that Sirius was so very attractive didn't help matters. Neither did the fact that he was now shirtless. "I – I – I don't know," he admitted quickly, before Sirius said anything else.

            "I have been thinking," said Sirius. "But not about all the girls I want to shag." Remus raised a bemused eyebrow, and Sirius felt himself blushing profusely. "I don't think I really want to do that kind of thing anymore." He looked meaningfully into Remus's eyes, and Remus shivered. That powerful gaze combined with the strange raw passion burning within it made his stomach flutter and sent a chill creeping up his spine. "There's more to life than having sex with all the girls in the school."

            "Oh," Remus said, blushing. "After all the girls, I thought…"

            "Hell, I'm sick of screwing every girl that looks my way," Sirius said, sitting down on the bed beside Remus. He was so close that Remus could feel the warmth radiating from his half-clothed body.

            Remus tried to speak, but his voice failed him. He closed his mouth and looked away, feeling a blush creeping over him again. Something about the way Sirius was looking at him made him uncomfortable. It wasn't that he didn't like it – rather, he enjoyed the interest that gleamed in the other boy's eyes – but he didn't know quite what to do about it. Remus had never cared for anyone before the same way he did about Sirius. James was his best friend, Peter needed protection and assistance, but Sirius was something else. Remus wanted to love him, hold him and claim him as his own, but he held himself back. For a long time now, he'd been terrified that one of them would discover his secret. And with Sirius obviously interested in girls…

            "I'll tell you a secret, Moony," Sirius's voice interrupted Remus's thoughts. "One that I haven't even told James." He leaned close to Remus, hot breath tickling his ear. He added in a barely audible whisper, "I don't even like it that much. Girls are overrated. I've only kept it up so long because I have a reputation." He leaned back and smiled at Remus. "If you ever need to talk about anything, I'll listen. No matter what it is. You know I care." He brushed ghostly fingertips against Remus's cheek. "Good night."

            Remus watched blankly as Sirius closed his hangings, finished changing, and went to bed. Then he put a hand to his cheek. Had Sirius Black – the boy he secretly loved and longed for, the boy whom all the girls swooned over – just touched him? Not just with concern, or with friendliness. There was another, better hidden message that the simple touch conveyed.

            Smiling to himself, reveling in the secret that he and Sirius alone shared, Remus closed the hangings around his bed and went to sleep.

Remus woke up late the next morning and saw that Sirius had already gone. His sheets were still rumpled, but otherwise, there was no trace that Sirius had been there. Remus got dressed quickly and went down to the common room, leaving Peter to his snores.

           James and Sirius were sitting in two chairs very close to the fire, laughing about their prank on the Slytherins. Remus sighed; you could end the prank for James and Sirius, but you couldn't end the prank _in them. Sometimes he wondered what they planned to do with their lives after Hogwarts. He approached their chairs and cleared his throat gently to let them know that he was there. James jumped. "Oy! Good morning, Moony!" he said cheerfully._

            "Hello, Prongs…Padfoot." Remus felt himself blushing as he met Sirius's eyes. _Why do I have to be so bloody obvious__ about it? He allowed himself to smile briefly before sitting down to join them. "So, why are you two up so early?"_

            "Prongs woke me up," Sirius said, sticking his tongue out at James.

            "Hey, I needed someone to talk to," James countered. "Besides, I figured you would be awake by then."

            "Well, I wasn't."

            James wasn't listening anymore. He was looking past Sirius towards the stairs to the girls' dormitory. Remus turned around and saw that Lily Evans was coming down from her dormitory. He looked back at James, whose eyes were glazed over. Remus held back a snort of amusement. Lily was a prefect, and an excellent student. She was also very popular. Most of the boys in the school would feel honored to get so much as a glance from her. "Good morning, James," she said pleasantly as she neared their chairs. "Hello Sirius, Remus." She smiled back at James before going out the portrait hole.

            Sirius caught Remus's eye and winked. "Prongsie, I think she _fancies you," he said teasingly._

            "Shut up," said James, turning a brilliant shade of magenta.

            "Oh, my little Prongs is all grown up and ogling Lily," Sirius said in a mock-motherly voice.

            "I said, shut up." James was bright red from the neck of his robes to the roots of his hair.

            Sirius only laughed and exchanged another look with Remus, who couldn't help but laugh with him. He always felt so light and carefree with Sirius, at least when they were not alone. But oh, when it was just the two of them… He always felt himself break into a nervous sweat, his heartbeat would race, and he would feel the blood coloring his face. Sirius, however, seemed wholly comfortable with whatever situation was handed to him.

            The silence was broken when Peter came trudging down from the dormitory. "We have that test in History of Magic today," he said glumly. "What am I supposed to do? I don't know anything!"

            "I'll help you, Wormtail," offered James.

            Peter's beady eyes filled with tears. "Thanks, James. You're a lifesaver. How would I ever finish it without you?"

            "It's only a bit of help," James said, slightly embarrassed. "Really, it's nothing."

            The four boys went out the portrait hole and headed down to breakfast. As they approached the Great Hall, they could hear laughter erupting from within. After exchanging curious glances, they went in and took seats at the Gryffindor table.

            It was automatically obvious why the hall was bursting with laughter. Snape, Malfoy, and the three other Slytherin boys were still wearing the hideous makeup that had come courtesy of the Marauders. Snape's face was bright red beneath the lurid pink blush, and Malfoy was seething with rage. Even their fellows were sniggering and whispering to one another.

            Sirius burst out laughing and fell out of his seat. James tried to help him up, but was laughing too hard and ended up joining Sirius on the floor. Remus rushed to their aid, but he seized up with laughter and fell to his knees. It was the most he'd laughed in a long time, even more than after they'd finished the prank. Peter, however, was capable of helping them back up. Remus went to his seat across from Sirius and tried to hold back his laughter. Unfortunately, he didn't succeed. When his stomach began to hurt from all the laughter, and he was hardly able to breathe anymore, he finally managed to stop.

            Sirius was looking at him again. He felt himself blushing, but he didn't take his eyes away from Sirius's. James and Peter were too busy eating, but Sirius was ignoring the food in front of him. Remus had blocked everything out except for Sirius. The memory of the secret they shared – of Sirius's breath warm against his ear as he spoke, and of the light touch of Sirius's fingertips – sent a satisfying tingle up Remus's spine. He felt himself smile involuntarily at Sirius, and the other boy blushed to the roots of his raven hair. Remus looked down and began serving food onto his plate. As he began to eat, he felt Sirius's eyes on him. For some reason, though, the idea didn't embarrass him. He wasn't even nervous. He glanced up at Sirius again between bites, smiled a tiny, close-lipped smile, and went back to his breakfast.

Peter whimpered as they left History of Magic. "That was the hardest test he's given all year," he cried in despair. "I bet you I failed it."

            "Aw, it's not that bad, Wormtail," James offered comfortingly. "I'm sure you did just fine."

            "Easy for you to say! You always get the best marks," Peter wailed. "I get the worst ones of the whole class!"

            "Cheer up," James said. "Be glad it's over."

            However, he didn't wait to hear what Peter might say. He was already staring at Lily as she passed. "Hi, James," she said, offering a broad grin. James turned and winked to his friends, then left to chat with her.

            "What does he think he's doing?" asked Sirius incredulously. "He has homework."

            "Do you think he cares?" Remus watched James go. "Give him a break, Padfoot. He deserves one."

            "Mmph," Sirius said, though not in a disgruntled way. "And I don't?"

            "I never said that." Remus felt himself blushing.

            Sirius grinned and cocked his head in that doglike way of his. Peter was busy talking to another unfortunate soul like himself, and they were walking alone towards Gryffindor tower. Before Sirius could say anything, however, Remus said, "You know what you said last night?"

            "Yeah," Sirius was still smiling, though he seemed slightly nervous about something.

            "I meant to ask – what did you mean?"

            "When?"

            "When you said that girls are overrated. The whole thing. What made you change your mind about sleeping around the way you did?" Remus eyed his friend, feeling his blush deepening as his eyes bored into Sirius.

            "You."

            "Me?"

            "Yes, you," Sirius said. He was solemn now, not even a smile in his eyes. "It hurt you that I was sleeping around. I know that now." He stopped and Remus stopped with him, utterly confused at what he was being told. "You're more important to me than all those girls combined, you know." He brushed his fingers against Remus's cheek again in another ethereal touch, causing Remus to shiver involuntarily. "It started out when I was just experimenting. I wanted to know what it was like. The first time, it was clumsy. The second, it was great. The third…well, it had lost its touch by then. After that, it was all reputation. That, and there were so many more girls that I figured it wouldn't always be the same. I wanted to find just the right one." He took a deep, shaking breath. "I didn't," he said. "I don't care anymore. What's the point if your heart's not in it?"

            "There is no point," Remus replied softly. "Only blind habits."

            Sirius smiled lightly. "I don't want to be that way anymore, Moony."

            "I know,  Padfoot," said Remus. "I know."

A/N: Cliffhanger!


	4. Between You and Me

**Saying no to You**

Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin *SLASH* James Potter/Lily Evans

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. The story and all its characters are the rightful property of the _official author, JK Rowling. I'm merely using them for my own amusement – so they have been serving their purpose faithfully ^-^_

A/N: I am so thankful for all your reviews and kind words. Please keep telling me your opinions. I love to hear what you have to say, and am grateful for any chance to improve my writing.

~Chapter Four: Between You and Me~

"I know, Padfoot," said Remus. "I know."

            They came to the portrait of the Fat Lady and Sirius gave the password. They went in and found that nobody else was there except for Lily and James, who were engaged in conversation in a corner by the fire. "Come on," Sirius said, his voice oddly husky. "Let's go up to the dormitory." Before Remus could say anything, Sirius had taken him by the wrist and was half dragging him up the stairs to their dormitory.

            Here they stopped and made sure the coast was clear. Sirius seemed nervous, but he sat down on his bed and gestured for Remus to join him. Anxious and puzzled, Remus took a seat beside Sirius. He looked down at his hands, folded neatly in his lap, rather than at Sirius's somber face.

            "Look at me, Remus." Sirius cupped Remus's chin in his hand and turned his head so that the other boy had to look at him. Remus cast his eyes down the moment they met Sirius's. "No, _look at me." The tone in Sirius's voice left no room for argument. Remus turned his gaze up to meet that of his friend. "That's better." Sirius smiled slightly, but it was short lived. In a painfully slow manner, Sirius raised his hand and ran his forefinger lightly down Remus's cheek. The faint touch was just enough to make Remus shiver. He smiled when Sirius laid his palm gently against his cheek, warm and comforting. "I meant it when I said that I care about you," said Sirius, his voice calm and honest. "I really do care about you."_

            Remus's smile broadened and he put his hand over Sirius's, leaning slightly into the touch. Sirius gulped, a light wash of pink creeping over his cheeks. "I have to confess to you Remus. I have to be fair to you." He sighed, looking certain now. "The first time I did it was with a Ravenclaw," he said. "The prefect, Viviane Carlisle."

            "Sirius, you don't have to tell me this," Remus said. "Not if it makes you uncomfortable."

            "Yes I do. I have to justify it to myself, and you have a right to know," Sirius insisted. He paused for a moment before going on. "It was last year. I was just starting to feel confident that I could have any girl I wanted. I knew the way they were looking at me. I'd heard all the rumors. And at the time, Viviane seemed to be the prettiest. I flirted with her a little. I seduced her into meeting me in an empty classroom in the middle of the night. And that was it."

            "Sirius…"

            "The whole time I was with her, do you know what I was really thinking about?"

            Remus made a small noise of interest, barely audible even in the quiet dormitory.

            "I was thinking about you. I wondered what you would say, what you would do if you found out I'd slept with Viviane Carlisle." He shuddered. "When you found out, not through me but through the rumors, I felt terrible. I felt like a liar."

            "You didn't lie, Sirius. I wasn't really upset." _Hypocrite, said the little voice in Remus's head. __You know you were disappointed. You wanted to be the first one, Sirius's only. Shut up._

            "I did, too. I didn't even tell James. I lied by omission."

            "Don't be so hard on yourself. I really didn't mind when I found out." _You nasty little liar, why can't you just be honest? After all, you love__ him. Love is honest; it requires trust._

            "Did you, though? Haven't you ever…felt anything?"

            Remus jumped to his feet, startled. "Like what?" he demanded nervously.

            "Between us," said Sirius, some shock registering on his face. "Don't you see?"

            "No," Remus said quickly. "No, I don't see anything between us."

            "Remus…"

            "We're friends," said Remus, his eyes panicking. "There's nothing else between us."

            Sirius looked away. "Yeah," he said. "Friends." He stood up and approached Remus, his eyes downcast. He stopped right beside Remus and hissed, "I think we're both liars now." He swept out of the dormitory. Remus turned to watch him go and bit back tears. _Why did I just shove him away like that? He felt like a part of himself was walking out of the dormitory. __Why don't I go after him, tell him how I really feel? It was too late._

            James was busy in conversation with Lily when Sirius came down into the common room, a mix of anger and sadness on his face. "Lily, could you please excuse us?" James asked, as politely as possible.

            "Of course," Lily said graciously as she saw the feelings displayed on Sirius's face. "I'll see you later." She took one last concerned look at Sirius and left out the portrait hole.

            Sirius sat down heavily across from his best friend. "Padfoot, I'm not stupid," said James bluntly. "I know that you're in love with Remus." Sirius looked shocked. "Come on, I've seen the way you look at him. I've seen you blush when you talk to him, and I've seen the way you treat him. Now, I know something happened between the two of you. What was it?"

            "I – I tried to tell him how I felt," Sirius began, licking his lips nervously. "And the minute I started to say it, he jumped up and started to panic. Then he said that we were just friends, so I left." He looked away again, staring into the fireplace.

            "He's just scared," James said knowingly. "It's obvious that he loves you, too."

            "You're just saying that," Sirius said. "You should have seen him when I asked if he thought there was anything more than friendship between us. He jumped up and started talking about how we're just friends." He sighed. "I wanted him to hear me out, even if he rejected me afterwards."

            James nodded. "I'll talk to him," he said, "But I won't tell him that I talked to you." He stood up and went upstairs to the dormitory.

            The hangings around Remus's bed were closed, and muffled sounds mysteriously similar to sobbing were coming from within. James pulled the curtains aside and saw Remus there, his face buried in his pillow to stifle the sobs. Quietly, James tapped Remus on the shoulder. The other boy jerked his face up from the pillow. His cheeks were wet from crying and his eyes were still filled with tears. "What do you want?" he asked, sniffing.

            "What happened, Moony?" asked James kindly.

            "Sirius started talking about us being more than friends," Remus said, "And I panicked. I didn't know what to do but deny it." He looked away, out the window at the gray sky. "He got mad at me, too. He snapped at me and then he left." Suddenly, he clapped a hand over his mouth. James realized what it meant as soon as he saw the look in Remus's eyes.

            "I already know how you feel about Sirius," said James.

            "Oh." Remus blushed profusely. "Oh, well…"

            "Are you going to be okay?"

            "Sure. I'll be fine."

            James doubted him; after all, Remus had been crying moments before over the loss of Sirius. But James nodded and offered a comforting smile before he left the dormitory. He went back to where Sirius was sitting and said, "He was crying."

            Sirius leapt up. "I need to talk to him."

            "No, no," said James, grabbing his best friend's arm. "Give him some time. Trust me; it'll be better that way."

Dinner was awkward that evening. Remus sat beside James tonight, looking miserable. He picked at his food unenthusiastically, with an occasional shy glance up at Sirius, who was hardly eating either. James tried several times to initiate conversation, but neither Sirius nor Remus replied. They chased food around their plates the whole meal. When they were free to leave, each hurried off as soon as he could stand up. James shook his head as he watched them go. He hoped for their sakes that they would make up soon. Perhaps if they did, they would also accept their feelings for one another.

            Sirius came into the dormitory and found Remus sitting on his bed. "You're on my bed," said Sirius dully.

            Remus kept his eyes downcast and he spoke more to the floor than to Sirius when he said, "I can't stay mad at you. There is something between us. I can't hide from it anymore."

            Sirius grabbed his friend's hands and dragged him to his feet. He cupped Remus's chin in his hand and tilted the brunet's face up to look directly at his. Remus slowly raised his eyes to meet Sirius's gaze, and automatically tears filled his eyes. With a small smile, Sirius said, "I'm sorry about rushing it so much, Remmie-chan."

            "Mmm," murmured Remus happily. "I like the sound of that."

            Sirius leaned down, towards Remus's face. He was just closing his eyes when James came slamming into the dormitory. "Whoa!" cried James, turning bright red. "I'm sorry…"

            If James was blushing, it was nothing compared to the crimson that both Sirius and Remus were now turning. They broke apart and looked away from one another, turning redder by the moment. James, feeling like an idiot, went to his bed and started to change into his pajamas. He looked over at Sirius and Remus. He smiled and shook his head bemusedly when he saw them "sneaking" openly interested glances at one another. Those two were so obvious; he was surprised that they hadn't realized their feelings for each other long before now. Bemused, he got into bed.

            Remus looked one last time over at Sirius, smiled, and went to sleep – without closing the curtains around his bed. Sirius laughed softly to himself, enjoying his victory, and planning on punishing James for ruining his moment. Then, with a last look at Remus, he conveniently forgot to close the hangings around his bed and went to sleep as well.

            For once, all was right.

A/N: Don't you just hate James right now for ruining their moment? And aren't you glad that Sirius doesn't want to mess around anymore? I'm sorry for writing him this way, but it was a plot device… Also, I'm sorry if you think Remus is being a crybaby. I wrote him the way I figured he would react… :D More to come! Please R/R, and thanks for your comments so far. They have been quite helpful and I would love to know more!


	5. To Finalize the Deal

**Saying no to You**

Pairings: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin *SLASH* James Potter/Lily Evans

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine and never will be (sadly). Everyone in this story, excepting the names of Sirius's flings, does not belong to me. JK Rowling is the proud and well-paid owner of the characters. So don't sue me. I'm just using them for enjoyment.

A/N: Everyone has been so helpful in the writing of this story. I'd especially like to thank those of you who have reviewed more than once. You've given me loads of insight on which areas need work, and your criticisms have been constructive. Thank you so much. And to those who have reviewed once, or just read the story, I thank you too. I'm glad that so many people are taking their time to read this.

~Chapter Five: To Finalize the Deal~

"You're very cheerful this morning, Padfoot," said James lightly as the Marauders headed out the portrait hole and to the Great Hall for breakfast.

            Sirius smiled. "I'd be quiet if I were you, Prongs," he replied.

            "Oh, come on, you're not still sore about that, are you?"

            "It was last night."

            "So what?" James caught sight of Lily walking ahead of them and talking to her friends. "I'll see you later, okay?" Without waiting for an answer, he dashed ahead and caught up with her.

            Upon reaching the Great Hall, the remaining three Marauders took their seats at the Gryffindor table and looked around for James. He was there, all right, but he was busy talking animatedly to Lily. Both he and the redheaded prefect were ignoring everyone else. They had seated themselves halfway down the table from the Marauders. "He meets a girl and the next thing you know, he hardly knows we exist," complained Peter.

            Sirius laughed. "It's not like they just met, Wormtail," he corrected. "I mean, they've been pretty good friends since first year. I think it was about second year when he started to have a crush on her. Remember when he told us?" Sirius laughed again at the memory of James, twelve years old and blushing profusely, confessing that he liked Lily Evans. At the time, they had all dismissed it as a crush. Now it looked like more than a mere passing phase. If he wasn't talking about pranks or Quidditch, James was talking about or to Lily. "Just let him have his fun."

            Peter still seemed a bit annoyed. "Yes, but he doesn't have to sit down there. He can sit over here with us and talk to Lily."

            "And have us interrupting?" Remus said. "No, just let him do what he wants."

            By the time they were sitting down in Charms, however, James was still with Lily. Sirius dismissed it, but Peter was getting truly irritated. "The least he could do is pay attention to us," he whined. "He's ignoring us. It's like he doesn't know us."

            "Oh, Peter, he likes her," smiled Remus. "James can pay attention to who he wants to."

            Peter pouted and went back to studying. Sirius sat back and wondered how he should finish what he had started the night before. Glancing over at him, Remus noted that his friend had a glazed look in his eyes and he was staring off into space. "Padfoot," he whispered, "You should really pay attention."

            Sirius jerked out of his reverie. "What?" he asked, staring at Remus.

            "Listen."

            "Oh." Sirius turned back to the front and watched Professor Flitwick as he lectured the class. He glanced over at James, who was chatting quietly with Lily in one of the back rows, and then at Remus, who was diligently taking notes. He smiled to himself and watched, silently admiring the brunet as he worked. Finally, he shook out of his daze and began writing, too, occasionally looking up at Flitwick or at Remus.

            By the end of class, Peter was worrying aloud about the composition they had been assigned in Potions ("I'll never get it done!") and James was listening to Lily as she talked happily about something. Remus and Sirius exchanged glances and went on to Herbology with the rest of the group. It seemed that today might actually be normal.

At lunch, James rejoined the group with a satisfied look on his face. He sat down across the table from Peter and started to shovel food onto his plate. Looking around at his friends, he noticed that they seemed not to have noticed his arrival. Remus and Sirius were goggling at each other; their knees were obviously bumping with every slight move of their legs, and their hands kept brushing as they put food on their plates. James cleared his throat quite loudly, not wanting to be ignored. Peter was not the only one that jumped. He was, however, the only one that voiced his opinion in a whiny voice. "Where have you been all day?" he grumbled. "You've been ignoring us."

            James sighed. He had known that one of them would be angry if he spent the morning with Lily rather than them. "I wasn't ignoring you," he explained calmly. "I was just talking to Lily, that's all." He paused to study Peter. Usually it wasn't the small, shy, and rather chubby boy who spoke up. Actually, it came as a shock to him that Sirius wasn't the one talking. "What's wrong with that?"

            The other boy still looked surly. "Well, you didn't talk to us all day, and I messed up a lot in Charms."

            "I'm sorry about that, but there's nothing I could have done."

            "Yeah, you could have!" Peter protested. "You could have helped me like you usually do."

            "Peter, I won't always be around to help you when you need it," James reminded him gently. "Sometimes it's better to make mistakes and learn from them."

            Peter frowned and went back to eating.

            "So, aren't you two annoyed?" asked James, eyeing his other two friends.

            Sirius and Remus looked at him for the first time the entire meal. "What?" asked Remus.

            Smiling, James repeated, "Well, aren't you mad at me for spending the morning with Lily instead of you?"

            "No," said Remus slowly. "It's fine." He went back to eating, stealing glances at Sirius when he thought the other wasn't looking. Sirius didn't seem to notice, and if he did, he didn't care.

            "I don't care," Sirius said.

            James stared at them. "Alright," he said.

That afternoon, double Potions was a nightmare. Not only was Professor Saëns swooping through the classroom taking points from Gryffindor for miniscule errors, but Malfoy, Snape, and their posse were particularly vindictive after the makeup incident. They seemed bent on getting the Gryffindors in trouble, and did quite well. "Ten _more points from Gryffindor," said Professor Saëns icily after criticizing Peter's potion. "You never seem to learn, Pettigrew." With that he went towards several Gryffindor girls._

            "Bastard," snapped Sirius under his breath. "He's just pissed because we pulled that prank on Malfoy and Snape, his favorites."

            "No talking!" Professor Saëns barked. "If I hear one more word from any of you, it will be an automatic fifteen points from Gryffindor and a detention for those talking." He smiled coldly and returned to his desk at the front of the room.

            "Stupid git," Sirius hissed, and went back to his potion.

            When the bell rang for class to end at last, Professor Saëns stood from his desk and called, "I want two rolls of parchment, due on Monday, about Truth Potions, including Veritaserum."

            "That'll be more time in the library," moaned Sirius. "Why does he have to be such a prick?"

            "Don't worry about it," Remus said comfortingly. "It's due on Monday. We still have three days and tonight."

            "Three days isn't a lot, Remmie," Sirius said. He saw the panic on Remus's face and remembered that James and Peter were still standing there. "Er…I mean Remus," he said, flushing and ducking his head. Peter and James didn't say anything, but Peter looked tight-lipped and James seemed embarrassed.

            The common room was unusually quiet that night. The sixth years were hunched over the two rolls of parchment that Professor Saëns had assigned, and others also seemed absorbed in homework. James had dashed off to Quidditch practice after dinner, with Lily gone to watch, and even Peter wasn't whining about their workload. Sirius scrawled several lines for the Potions essay and sat watching Remus as he wrote. "Why don't we go somewhere else?" he suggested casually, as soon as Peter had gone to ask if someone could loan him a book.

            Remus looked up from his work. He was beginning to look harrowed, and Sirius realized that in several nights would come the dreaded transformation. "Like where?" he asked, starting to write again.

            "Let's just go," said Sirius. "Come on, Remmie, it'll be more fun than writing a Potions essay." He noticed that Remus looked less tense upon hearing those words. "Besides, I have an idea of something we never got to finish…" When Remus looked up at him, he smiled broadly and winked.

            "Well, alright," Remus agreed. "But we can't be too long. I want to get a head start."

            Sirius grinned, glad to have gotten his way, and they put away their homework. After running their things up to the dormitory, Sirius half dragged Remus out the portrait hole and into the empty corridors. Now that it was evening, the lights were dimmer and their footsteps seemed to echo more as they walked aimlessly through the halls. "Where are we going?" Remus asked eventually, after rounding a turn for the second time. "We're going in circles. We just passed that suit of armor a minute ago."

            "There are empty classrooms," Sirius suggested, but Remus shook his head quickly.

            "I really don't think that classrooms are that comfortable," he said. "Unless, of course, you can tell me one that is." He raised an eyebrow at Sirius, as though he should know about each classroom specifically.

            "Why do you need someplace comfortable?" asked Sirius. "We're not doing anything that would require it…" he trailed off, secretly reveling in the thought of all the things they _could do if they were in a comfortable situation. Shaking himself out of it and scolding himself inwardly, he said, "Well, we could always go into a broom closet. Would that suit your fancy?"_

            "Sirius," Remus scolded, looking amused. "I don't want to be jammed in with the cleaning supplies."

            "Then how about this?" Sirius said, opening the door to a nearby classroom. "There's nothing wrong with it."

            "Oh, fine. If you must." They walked in and Sirius closed the door behind them. The room was poorly lit, with the corners pitch black and ominous. Sirius sat down on one of the desks, watching Remus as a hawk might watch its prey. Remus's eyes never left Sirius, even as he moved inevitably closer to the raven-haired boy. Before he knew exactly what Sirius was going to do, Remus had been pulled down so that he was sitting in Sirius's lap, his legs straddling the taller boy's waist.

           Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus's back and leaned down to brush his lips gently against the brunet's. He slowly deepened the kiss, not caring if Remus kissed back or not. Their tongues met briefly before Sirius took over once more, moving so close to Remus that their racing heartbeats were pressed against each other and it felt like their bodies had combined into one. Remus's hands pressed against his chest, now slightly gripping his robes as if he needed to be supported.

            When they pulled apart, breathless, Sirius was grinning in that doglike way of his. "So?" he said, studying Remus carefully as he started to pull his arms away.

            Remus smiled. "So?" he repeated.

            Sirius kissed him again, dominating Remus's mouth with his tongue, hands questing ever lower down the werewolf's back. He heard Remus purr contentedly and the other boy started to kiss back, his arms now wrapped tightly around Sirius's neck. Upon finally breaking the kiss, Sirius's hands were on the small of Remus's back and the brunet was running his fingers through Sirius's hair. "Mmm," said Sirius, pulling his hands away. He started to blush at the same time Remus slid off his lap, turning pink. "So, Moony, you tell me: are we finished?"

            "Far from it," grinned Remus. He leaned down and pecked Sirius on the cheek. "But for now," he said, straightening up again, "We should probably go back."

            Sirius nodded and slid off the desk, glad for the baggy robes he was wearing. Then he ushered Remus out of the classroom and closed the door. They went back to Gryffindor tower, hand in hand.

            James was back from Quidditch practice, his hair damp from the drizzle that was falling outside, and he was sitting next to Lily with his hand on her knee. They seemed to busy talking to notice that Sirius and Remus were back. Peter was nowhere to be found, and everyone else was either talking or up in their dormitories. Sirius skipped even talking to James and went to the dormitory. He didn't want to ruin tonight with homework. The things that were due tomorrow were already finished, and he didn't care about Potions. Remus, however, went straight back to his books and began to write.

            Sirius changed into his pajamas and climbed into bed, but he couldn't help running over what had just happened again and again. He had kissed Remus, one of his best friends. Twice, to be exact, and four times if you counted the light kiss he had planted on his friend's forehead and the peck on the cheek that Remus had just given him. He was amazed. He had always thought that any interest in Remus was just hormones, or some kind of desire to experiment. This year, he had started out defining it as lust. But now… Sirius wasn't sure what to call it anymore. After all, he didn't know if he was really in _love with Remus. Maybe he was, maybe he just wanted him for the assumed experimentation, but whatever it was, it felt good._

            Later, when Sirius was recalling the night's events once again, and relishing the memory of the exact feel of Remus's hands on his chest, the subject of his recollection walked into the dormitory with books and parchment in hand. "Sirius?" he asked quietly when he noticed that Sirius was still awake. But he did not say anything more, and proceeded to put his things away before jerking his robes over his head. Usually he was more reserved about changing, and got behind the curtains of his bed, but now he was taking off his shirt without even moving behind anything. He wasn't even blushing.

            Sirius sat up and eyed his friend with a surge of something suspiciously similar to hunger. "Remmie," he called softly, "Come here for a minute, will you?"

            Remus stared at him, but complied. Sirius reached for him and pulled him down, their lips meeting again. Remus made another purring noise and pressed his hands against Sirius's chest. In turn, Sirius's hands crept over the werewolf's shoulders and onto his bare chest. Sirius was just moving on top of Remus, now kissing his neck, when he heard a gasp and the sound of several books being dropped on the floor.

            He looked up guiltily only to see James staring at him. "Prongs!" breathed Remus, shoving Sirius off himself and retreating to his own bed. "What are you doing here?"

            "I sleep in here, too," said James in an oddly tight voice. He picked up his books slowly deposited them on his trunk, and continued to stare at them as though they were animals behind bars in a zoo. He grabbed his pajamas and closed the curtains on his bed to change.

            Remus and Sirius exchanged looks, but it wasn't long before Sirius grinned and patted the bed beside him. Remus's eyes widened and he glanced nervously at James's bed, but he moved over and sat next to Sirius. They started where they'd left off, with Sirius on top, nuzzling Remus's neck, and Remus wrapping his arms around Sirius's waist, hands pressed tightly into the small of his back. Suddenly, Remus pushed Sirius off. "What was that for?" demanded Sirius. "It was getting good, too…" he trailed off and looked behind him.

            James was frowning. "Hello again," he said. "But I guess it's goodnight, isn't it?" He forced a smile and added, "Goodnight." He got into bed and closed the curtains quickly.

            "He'll get over it," said Sirius, kissing Remus one last time before he got under the covers again. "Everything will be fine."

            "I hope so," Remus said, glancing at James's bed again, looking anxious. "I don't want him to be mad at us." He planted a light kiss on Sirius's forehead and closed the curtains on his bed to change. He opened them once again when he was done, climbed under the covers, and said softly, "Night, Padfoot."

            "Night," Sirius replied. "Sweet dreams."

            Remus smiled and rolled over onto his back. "You, too."

A/N: At last! They've done it. Well, tell me what you thought… I'm dying to hear from you! Sorry this chapter was rather long, but I couldn't very well cut it short. Siri and Remmie need their romance scenes! ^_~ More to come soon! Please, please, _please R/R!_


	6. The Breaking of the Bond

**Saying no to You**

Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin *SLASH* James Potter/Lily Evans

Rating: R (mostly for language, also _some mature themes)_

Disclaimer: I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Harry Potter legally belongs to JK Rowling, not to me! Suing me will result in absolutely no gain on your part, because I don't have any money.

A/N: Once more, thank you all for your reviews, and thank you for reading the story. I've been working hard to get this story written just the way I want it. All of you have been a great help when you comment. As always, thank you so much, and please read and review!

~Chapter Six: The Breaking of the Bond~

Sirius woke up earlier than usual and eyed James's empty bed. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do, but he would have to make up for what had happened last night. He should have known better than to kiss Remus right in the dormitory, where anyone who walked in could see them. He should have thought of something to say to keep James from getting so angry. But it was too late. Sirius glanced over at Remus, who was still fast asleep, and glanced towards Peter's bed. It seemed that Peter was already awake, probably finishing neglected homework. Sirius threw some clothes on, donned his robes, and went down to the common room.

            He spotted James sitting near the fire, talking once again to Lily. Deciding that it was wiser to leave him alone, Sirius went out the portrait hole. He wandered the corridors pointlessly, wondering if James would be talking to him today. After the incident last night, it seemed that there was a huge rift between them. Sirius frowned and returned to the common room. Lily had gone, and James was sitting alone. "Prongs?" Sirius asked tentatively, approaching his friend.

            James looked up and his brow furrowed slightly. "Hello, Sirius," he said, his tone oddly formal. The way he was behaving, they were hardly even friends.

            "Have you told Peter?" Sirius asked. Inwardly, he was crushed that James was acting so cold towards him, but he knew far better than to show it. Sirius knew that if he did, James would have a key in his hands. James was intelligent enough to use people's private business and their feelings to his advantage if he wanted vengeance badly enough.

            "Why should I scare him?" James said simply. He looked at Sirius with venom in his eyes. "He wouldn't like to know that two of his best friends are turning into homosexuals." The last word was dripping with malice. It was the kind of tone that Lucius Malfoy called normal speaking, and Sirius didn't like to hear it coming from James.

            "You know," he said, forcing himself to be equally as cold as James, "You're supposed to be my best friend. You're supposed to support me, even if you don't agree with me. So what does that tell you about your views of trust and friendship?"

            James frowned. "I trusted you," he said. His voice was losing its cold impersonal tone, and was beginning to sound irritated. "I was your friend, the one you told everything, and you went behind my back. You and Remus are both hypocrites. I knew you were in love with him – after all, you two don't make it tough to figure out – and I figured it was just a passing phase." He was starting to breathe heavily now, the sound erratic and far too loud in the quiet common room.

            "Why would you care so much about all that? How am I supposed to assume that you haven't been doing the same thing to me with Lily?" Sirius stared his friend down, thankful that he was the taller of the two.

            "I don't care so much about that as I do about Remus," James said bitterly. "I know you, and your record stands against you. I don't want you to hurt Remus like you have every girl you've ever slept with! I want Remus to be happy, not some casual shag like the kind you usually have. He cares about you. He's your friend – for chrissake, Sirius, he _loves you. I think you owe him more than a quick fuck before you throw him aside like all the rest."_

            "How dare you talk like that?!" Sirius exploded. "Remus is _not just some quick fuck to me! He means more than that. How can you even assume that my so-called record has been of my own choosing?"_

            "You certainly don't seem to care, do you," snapped James. "Remus doesn't, either. For some reason, he thinks you've changed…"

            "I have," Sirius growled in a low tone. "I care more about Remus than you do, obviously, because I don't think you're talking to him anymore, either."

            "No," said James, agreeing with him on one count. "But for that matter, it isn't every night that you come into your dormitory, intending on getting a decent night's sleep, and you see your two best friends snogging right in front of you." He looked disgusted with the thought that he had come across such a scene. "I don't know why you think you can be different with Remus," he added after a nasty silence. "You're always going to be chasing after some girl, trying to get inside her skirt. So if you ask me, Remus is mad if he thinks you're going to keep up with him."

            "Shut up!" Sirius shouted. "Leave Remus out of this!"

            "Oh, very chivalrous!" James stood up and stormed out of the common room without a backward glance.

There could not have been a worse atmosphere. The Marauders sat together at breakfast, but none spoke to any of the others throughout the entire meal. They stared at their plates and ate in utter silence. It seemed to Remus that even the other conversation in the Hall, which was usually quite loud, was muted. Of course, this was because he was fighting to hear the slightest sigh or gulp from any of his friends.

            Of the four boys, Sirius seemed by far the angriest. He kept shooting hateful looks towards James, a frown pasted on his face. He completely ignored his food for the first half of the meal, and at the end he was scarfing it down as though it would disappear any moment. He ignored James completely, while the other boy stood up to join Lily and her throng of friends. "Did something happen that I need to know about?" Remus asked concernedly, after noting that James had also sent him an ugly look, but not nearly as cold as that he gave Sirius seconds before he left.

            "No," Sirius said hastily between enormous bites.

            Remus sighed and began to study his jam-coated toast. "All right," he said. He was disappointed in Sirius. After all, they were supposed to tell each other everything, and he knew that something was wrong. Nothing but a huge row about a sensitive subject could make James and Sirius so horrible towards one another. He had hoped that Sirius would tell him, but it seemed that it was a personal matter between him and James. "Well, we need to be going."

            Sirius nodded and they set off for Transfiguration, with Peter at their heels. They were among the first to arrive in the classroom, although moments later, James arrived. He was walking beside Lily, whose friends had long since given up trying to keep up with them. The pair of them sat down at the table next to Sirius and Remus. Lily smiled and waved cheerfully, which meant that James had obviously not been complaining about their sexual preferences or the previous night's incident – at least not to her.

            Professor McGonagall came into the room, looking severe as usual. As she began to lecture the class about human transfigurations while the class took notes. Sirius watched as Remus's quill scratched rapidly across his parchment. He knew that he, too, should be taking notes, but the mood didn't strike him. Instead he watched McGonagall as she began to draw a very complex diagram on the board. He glanced over at James, who was whispering something in Lily's ear. She laughed quietly and replied before returning to taking notes.

            James caught Sirius's eye and frowned. Before Sirius could gesture or return the unfriendly gaze, McGonagall pounced. "Mr. Potter," she said sternly, "Would you please explain the importance of proper wand usage and clear language when transfiguring humans?"

            James jerked his head to look innocently at Professor McGonagall, who was staring at him like a hawk might watch its prey. He nodded and began to give a quick explanation of what she had outlined. Sirius sat back in his chair and began to take notes, copying off of Remus's neatly-written parchment. Once McGonagall was satisfied with James's reply, she returned to the front of the class and took up drawing the diagram again. Sirius contented himself with taking notes for the rest of the class. "As these transfigurations are extremely complex, we will not attempt them today," McGonagall said. Several people groaned, looking gravely annoyed and disappointed. "However, you do have an assignment." More groaning met this statement, and Sirius saw Peter chewing on his nails anxiously. "I want at least three feet of parchment describing the dangers, complexities, and advantages of human transfiguration. It will be due next Tuesday."

            "Tuesday?" squeaked Peter.

            "Yes, Mr. Pettigrew," said McGonagall, who had heard him. "And I would advise that you do better on this assignment than you did on the last one." She gave him a particularly piercing look and Peter squirmed uneasily, looking guilty. Then he shot a look at James, whom Sirius noted was not paying any attention. He was busy chatting with Lily, and had his head turned away from Peter.

            "Help me!" Peter mouthed desperately to Sirius, who nodded. If James would not help their less-than-academic friend, then he would. Honestly, he didn't have to punish Peter just because he was angry with Sirius and Remus. It was hardly Peter's fault that they were more than friends. In fact, the plump boy had no idea what was going on. He could assume whatever he wanted, but he didn't know the truth.

            After Herbology, during which Remus seemed particularly miserable due to tomorrow's full moon, they were sitting in the Great Hall eating lunch in silence. After a long time, Peter cleared his throat and Sirius resigned himself to his duty. He started pointing things out to his friend, while Peter nodded and wrote down the important details. Remus watched, occasionally adding to Sirius's statements. More often, however, he was looking down the table at James, who was unsurprisingly chatting happily with Lily.

            The redheaded prefect saw Remus and Sirius and waved, smiling. She, at least, didn't seem to care that James was being cold with them. Instead, she seemed more to regard them as friends rather than people towards whom James was currently savagely hateful. "Hello, Lily," said Remus amicably.

            "Hi, Remus," she replied, still smiling at him. "Hi, Sirius." She offered him a dazzling smile which Sirius only just managed to return. He glanced at James, who did not look pleased at all. He promptly caught her attention again and she turned away from the three other Marauders, who went back to their own business.

In the common room that evening, the chatter was drowning out any less than friendly that James and Sirius made towards each other. Not long after arriving there, James and Lily departed through the portrait hole. Sirius watched them go, frowning slightly. Now it was James who was pulling the moves on someone, not him. Strange how everyone started to buzz with gossip the moment Lily and James were gone and the portrait of the Fat Lady closed after them. It seemed that everyone in the House believed that the two were already a cemented couple, and that they had gone off to further cement their relationship. Sirius, however, doubted that James would be doing such a thing. After all, his former best friend had more decency than to randomly shag a girl just because she was good-looking.

            _That's rather what you did, isn't it?_

            Sirius frowned. He had wanted to forget about the things that were history now. Of course, although it was not common knowledge, he had not slept with a girl since Chloe Mathers. That had been days ago, a record for him. Normally he had a different girl almost every night of the week. These days, Sirius looked back on those habits and hated himself for what he had done. Remus seemed to notice that he was miserable, because he said, "It's all right, Padfoot."

            "I guess so," Sirius agreed. He didn't want Remus to feel badly on his behalf. "Come on, I need your notes for Potions."

            "You should have been taking your own," Remus scolded lightly, a smile playing across his lips. He handed Sirius his Potions notes and began to work on the composition for History of Magic. In Sirius's mind, this was the dullest subject of them all, but he didn't comment. He knew that Remus wanted to get perfect marks. He knew that Remus felt the need to prove himself as a qualified wizard, not a mindless beast. Of course, he knew Remus better than that, and no one but the Marauders – and Severus Snape, a very long story in that case – knew that Remus was a werewolf. That, and the teachers; the list included Professor Dumbledore, whose idea it had been to let Remus use the passage under the Whomping Willow to the "Shrieking Shack," as the villagers had dubbed it after years of Remus inhabiting it monthly.

            Sirius finished copying Remus's Potions notes and began to work on the essay about truth potions. He was very nearly finished when James and Lily returned. They looked normal, neither of them with mussed hair or robes. Lily was smiling complacently, as though she knew something that the others didn't, and she retreated to the girls' dormitory moments after reentering the common room. James left for the boys' dormitory after shaking Peter away from him, insisting that he was tired and couldn't help. Sirius frowned; James technically was the one who was always willing to help Peter, and had asked for it when he started tutoring Peter. He should have just accepted the consequences and given the chubby boy a quick lesson. After all, it was better than Peter risking his neck in tomorrow's Potions lesson. Saëns was particularly vindictive after the makeup prank.

            "Remmie," he called softly to the boy beside him, "Are you done with any of your work yet?"

            Remus looked up at him, noting the tone in Sirius's voice. He interpreted it correctly and studied Sirius with cautious eyes. "With Potions, yes," he replied. "But I have a lot to work on for McGonagall." Feigning innocence, he asked, "Why do you want to know? I can't let you copy everything I do, Siri. You know you're brilliant."

            Sirius smiled at his friend's use of a diminutive. "Come on, Remmie," he said. "Ditch the homework. Let's do something more fun."

            "All right," said Remus. He sighed with amusement, put his books and parchment away, and they exited quickly through the portrait hole. They wandered the corridors aimlessly for a long time, before Sirius finally got impatient and started leading the way out onto the grounds. It wasn't cold outside yet, so it wouldn't be terribly uncomfortable. Remus, however, seemed to have other plans. They were on the second floor when he suddenly steered Sirius down a deserted corridor and into an empty classroom. Sirius realized what was happening the moment they entered the room, and he shut the door behind them, locking it with a tap of his wand.

            Wordlessly, the two boys studied one another before Sirius took the upper hand and pushed Remus lightly against the nearest wall. He pressed his lips deeply into the brunet's, sliding his tongue lazily along Remus's bottom lip to rediscover the taste of his mouth. Remus put his arms around Sirius's waist and kissed back.

It was over a half hour later when they finally decided that it would be sensible to return to the common room. No one, not even the densest person in the school, would have ignored their disappearance. Everyone knew when Sirius Black left a room, because it usually became quieter and far less cheerful. For that matter, most girls in the school looked for him every time they entered a room, hoping for the chance that Sirius would look their way and flash them his brilliant, crooked smile.

            The Fat Lady was half asleep when they arrived at her portrait. Sirius very nearly had to yell the password before she let them in, and then she was none too happy. They entered the common room to find that it had emptied slightly; Peter was out of sight, as were most of Lily's friends. However, there were enough girls there to notice that Sirius had just entered the room. One of Lily's many friends rushed up to him, completely ignoring Remus. She practically shoved him to the side as she hurried to make conversation with Sirius. "Oh, Sirius, you're back," she swooned, looking at him dreamily. She seemed to hope that his record would stretch to include her, although judging by the way Sirius was glaring at her, he had no intention of ever letting her be a part of his list. "I was wondering where you had gone. I was beginning to think that you'd died…" she went on and on, simpering and flirting.

            Remus frowned at her, trying to remember her name. Lily had far too many friends to remember all of them, although he certainly tried in case any of them ever came to chat Sirius up or to flirt with James. Most of them ignored Remus, and all of them looked at Peter as though he were a giant slug. Finally, after ages of racking his brain, he said, "Well, if you'd excuse us, please, Matilda, Sirius and I were going to do our Transfiguration homework."

            She shot an evil look at him and returned to the group of tittering girls on the far side of the room. Sirius gave Remus a grateful look and they grudgingly brought out their homework and started to write. Remus glanced over at the girls and noticed that they were all glaring at him spitefully. Matilda in particular was looking almost murderous, her eyes glinting dangerously in the dimming light. Remus smiled sardonically at her and looked away, concentrating on his homework again.

            "I hate them," hissed Sirius after all the girls had retreated to their dormitory.

            Remus nodded without looking up. He wanted to have this essay done before it was due, in case any other more pressing assignments came up. He glanced up for a brief second, to see the expression on Sirius's face, and immediately looked down again. The look in Sirius's eyes was making him uncomfortable.

            Sirius, however, was too busy studying Remus to notice that his friend had glanced up at him briefly. He was personally very thankful for baggy school robes tonight. He noticed that Remus was staring at him now, looking slightly alarmed. "What?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. It was very rare for Remus to have that expression on his face, but he certainly looked nervous, almost disgusted. "What _is it?" Sirius asked again when he did not get a reply._

            "Nothing," murmured Remus automatically.

            "What are you looking at?" demanded Sirius. He jumped to his feet, as if that would help the situation. He was positive that he knew what had Remus's undivided attention.

            Slowly, as though he were reluctant to do so, Remus raised his eyes and met Sirius's gaze. He looked rather dazed, although his voice was confident when he said, "I wasn't looking at anything." He tore his eyes from Sirius and went back to writing.

            "I think I'm going to go to bed," Sirius said. "I'll see you up there, Moony."

            "Night, Padfoot," Remus called softly after him. He was still bent over his homework.

            Sirius shook his head, whispered, "Mental," and proceeded up the stairs to the dormitory.

            He was not the only one awake. Peter's snores were breaking the otherwise complete silence, but James was sitting awake on his bed, reading one of their schoolbooks. The moment he noticed that Sirius was in the room, too, he jerked his head up and slammed the book shut, causing Peter to snort loudly. James shoved his book aside and raised a curious eyebrow. He didn't speak, only watched Sirius warily.

            "Come off it," said Sirius. "Why are you being such a prick about all this?"

            "I'm being the prick?" James asked, looking very annoyed. "_I'm the prick? I think you have it wrong. You're the one who's going to throw it all back in poor Remus's face after you've had enough experiments. We all know that you want to believe you're as straight as a ruler."_

            "I don't _want to believe it," Sirius said vehemently._

            "You're saying it's true, then," retorted James. "After all those cozy little snogging sessions with Remus, and you still expect me to believe – and you believe – that you're the straightest thing that's happened to this school?" He laughed mirthlessly, the noise echoing through the room. "If you are, then you should tell poor Moony. You know that he's about as straight as a circle."

            Sirius winced at the analogy. "Stop making fun of him," he said quietly.

            "Well, it's true," James said. "I'm not making fun of him at all. I'm stating fact." He smiled nastily. "You of all people must know how straight Moony is. You've been snogging him all the time these days. You know he likes it best with boys."

            "So what if he does? What's it to you? Jealous that he doesn't fancy you?"

            "No!" James shouted, so angrily that Sirius heard Peter's head bang against his headboard. "It's only important to me because you're going to hurt him. Remus is my friend, too, and I don't want so see him crying over you anymore." Seeing the surprise registering on Sirius's face, he added, "Oh, he's cried a fair few times over you. It really hasn't helped your case that you brag every time you go off and screw some random girl. Haven't you noticed how upset he gets?"

            "No," Sirius said. He never had paid Remus any attention after any of his exploits, except to feel guilty that it hadn't been Remus beneath him, calling his name… He shook his head violently, trying to clear the image which had been haunting him for a long time. Unfortunately, this time it seemed that the scene wouldn't stop replaying in his mind. He had dreams like this at night most of the time, in which he seduced Remus into getting in bed with him and they mated like animals through the night. He shuddered to remember that he often entertained such thoughts. He was supposed to be straight, and yet he was attracted to one of his best friends. He had never cared for any of the girls. Not one, except for the fact that they were attractive.

            Of course, in a way, they weren't attractive. They didn't do for him exactly what Remus could do with a simple smile. There was a lot missing that they never really could make up for. Calmly, deliberately, he said, "But I never did like it much with girls, anyway."

            James grinned. It was a cold smile, but it was a better start than throwing angry insults at one another. "You're still denying it, Sirius."

            "What, you want me to come out and tell you that I'm a queen? Just so that you can tease me till my dying day?"

            "Not for that reason," James said. "I want you to say it for Remus. He needs to know so that he has more of the truth when you throw him away like you have all the rest." He paused, with a smile like a grimace creeping across his lips, before saying, "I know you will throw him away. How long can he possibly last? I know he won't let you shag him silly just yet. And I know that you consider the week wasted if you haven't screwed someone."

            "Sod off!" Sirius barked, and turned his back on James. He went over to his bed and started to change. He didn't bother closing the hangings around his bed, didn't bother covering himself up. Instead, he shamelessly dropped his robes and peeled off his shirt. He was sure that by now, James would have turned his back, but he wasn't doing this for James. Right now, he didn't care what he did or who saw him. Even if it was Lily's hideous friend, Matilda, he would hardly care. He was far more focused on hating James.

            Naturally, he knew inside that James was right at the moment. Unless Sirius could truly clean up his act and stop being such a horny bastard, he was going to fling the one person he really loved back to where they had started. He didn't want to hurt Remus; in fact, if it came down to that, he would rather kill himself and die a painful death rather than let Remus suffer. He shuddered inwardly at the thought of these sentiments. They were the kind of thing that girls read in cheap romance novels, not the kind of thing that he – Sirius Black – was supposed to be thinking in regard to his best friend.

            He had just dropped his pants when Remus walked into the room, carrying several large and very heavy books in his arms. The second he saw Sirius, all of the books hit the stone floor with a violently loud thud. Sirius turned around to see what had happened and found Remus's eyes fixed on a particular point below his waist. Sirius grinned sheepishly, but was not ashamed to be caught nearly naked. "I'll help you with those in a minute," he offered. Remus, however, was already picking them up. "You look possessed, Remmie."

            Remus smiled and dumped his books at the foot of his bed. "For good reason," he replied. It was possibly one of the most seductive things that Sirius had ever heard him say, for he felt himself squirming, trying to hide a certain part of his anatomy from Remus's staring eyes.

            "Bloody hell, Remmie, you're making me uncomfortable."

            Remus licked his lips and shook out of it, looking guiltily up into Sirius's eyes. "Sorry about that," he whispered, and closed the curtains around his bed to change.

            "You liked that, didn't you, Sirius," said James in a quiet, malevolent voice.

            "Fuck off," Sirius growled absentmindedly. He sprang forward and jerked the curtains back from around Remus's bed. The boy within had shed all but his boxers and turned to look at Sirius with horror. He reached for his robes to pull them over his head again, but Sirius got there first and snatched them away from his grasp. "No, no, no," he mock-scolded. "You got a good look at me, now be fair."

            Remus's cheeks were turning pink, but he did not resist. Instead he slid off his bed and stood, facing Sirius, looking expectant.

            James left the room, sensing what was about to come. He knew – and he didn't like it.

            Sirius, however, was busy pushing Remus down against his bed, kissing him frantically as he put his legs around the werewolf's waist. Remus felt a shiver creep down his spine. Sirius was _straddling him. And if he wasn't mistaken, Sirius was turned on. Very much so, to be honest. Remus tried to move his lower body away from Sirius, but the larger boy ground his weight down harder and started to kiss Remus with even more passion._

            Remus didn't want to go any farther. When Sirius's hands started to slither down his chest and over his stomach, he realized what was going to happen. He gently grabbed Sirius's wrists and pulled his lips away from the other boy's. He shook his head simply and Sirius got the message. He kissed Remus several more times before sliding off and returning to his own bed. He didn't seem dejected that Remus had refused his invitation. In fact, he seemed almost relieved. He grinned one last time at Remus before he closed the hangings around his bed and went to sleep. Tonight was guaranteed to be good.

The next day, however, was not as it should have been. Sirius got dressed and went down to breakfast only to find that Remus was not there. He remembered that tonight was to be the full moon, and he shuddered. Poor Remus would be stuck in the Shrieking Shack all today and tomorrow. He vowed to go down tonight and get in some valuable time. He didn't even care if James and Peter would come. The only important part was to be with Remus.

            He ate quickly, occasionally helping Peter with questions on his homework, and they rushed to Charms. He took careful notes so that Remus could copy them later, and took it upon himself to tutor Peter. James obviously wasn't doing it. He was talking to Lily, placing his hand on her thigh as he spoke, and seemed oblivious to the rest of the world.

            Lunch felt like it had come amazingly quickly. Sirius was just beginning to eat when James sat down across from Peter, leaving Remus's usual place empty. Sirius stared at James, not sure what the other wanted, until James said in a grave voice, "I'm assuming you got what you wanted last night."

            "What do you mean?" Sirius snapped.

            James glanced at Peter, who squeaked that he needed to visit the library. He left, glancing back at them once before disappearing out the doors. "I mean that you must have gotten some from Remus."

            "Gotten some of _what?" demanded Sirius. "If you're wanting to know if we had sex…"_

            "Yes," James replied bluntly. "I am. It would be nice to know."

            "We didn't," Sirius said equally shortly. "He didn't want to, so I respected his decision. It's not as if I could force him to do it or anything. I don't want to become a rapist just because I have a hard on, thanks."

            "So you're admitting that you _were at least turned on."_

            "Who wouldn't be with Remus underneath them?" Sirius said without thinking. "I mean, he's gorgeous and sexy. Who wouldn't get turned on if they were snogging him while he was in nothing but his boxers?"

            "Only you would feel that way, Sirius. And only you would know. I have never snogged another boy, thank you very much." He looked pointedly at Sirius.

            "Get over it," Sirius retorted. "I love Remus and you can accept it or not, but nothing is changing." He glared at James until the other boy sighed in obvious defeat.

            "Well, I'm going to visit Moony tonight, and nothing you say or do will stop me."

            "I'm going, too, so you'd better not bitch about my sexual preferences or his."

            "Fine."

            "Promise you'll be civil," Sirius commanded.

            James sighed and slumped his shoulders a bit. Then he perked up again and said, "I promise."

            "Good," Sirius said, finally satisfied. "Then we're both going."

            And with that, he went on to his next class.

A/N: I'm sorry if this has been a long chapter, but why should I complain if it turned out the way I wanted it to? Anyway, to the point – yes, I realize that this is getting more explicit, but they are teenage boys, after all. And as to what will happen between our two favorite canines (will Sirius get some, or will Remus play the virgin for another night?), you'll just have to find out. I'm not going to tell you! Thank you all for reading, and please REVIEW!!! ^_^


	7. Never Too Easy

**Saying no to You**

Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin *SLASH* James Potter/Lily Evans

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. You know the standard disclaimer.

A/N: Sorry, all, for the long update time. This chapter _had to be perfect for me before I actually posted. At first, I didn't know what I wanted to do with it, but it's finished now!!! Oh, and while I'm thinking about it, I'm also glad that I have support in the writing of this story. Your kind words have been a lovely incentive for me to keep writing…in any case, they have boosted my morale. I realize I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but I do appreciate it and I want to thank you all. You have been brilliant so far, stick with me and we'll see what our boys will do!_

~Chapter Seven: Never Too Easy~

Sirius felt like hitting James across the face. He was getting tired of his so-called best friend's cold attitude and pointed verbal attacks on Remus and himself. He understood that it wasn't easy for James to accept the situation, but he didn't understand why James had to be so cruel about it. After all, he had been the one to give Sirius a nudge in the right direction when he was unsure about confessing to Remus. Now that they were together, James was against them. Sirius frowned as he accidentally blotted his Transfiguration homework, the three-foot essay that was due tomorrow. He was nearly done with it, having only a few inches more to write before it would be ready to turn in.

            He glanced over at James and thinned his eyes. James seemed irritable this morning, but he was carrying a decent conversation with Lily, which was hardly surprising. Lily saw Sirius and waved, offering a kind smile that he quickly returned, but James completely ignored him. It seemed that he had decided not to acknowledge Sirius's presence in the room. Sirius glared at the boy who had been his best friend and went back to his homework. He wished that Remus were here beside him. If he were, James's distance wouldn't bother Sirius nearly as much as it did now.

            It  was times like these when Sirius realized just how much James's friendship meant to him. After all, they had been inseparable for years, and now – over an issue that was hardly even that – they were acting like sworn enemies. Of course, if it had been up to Sirius, James would still be on his side. None of their arguments of late would have happened. Before now, none of them had ever presumed to be angry with one of the others. It was amazing what could happen to a long-standing friendship within a matter of days and unfortunate circumstances. James had, indeed, been present at many inopportune times. Sirius supposed this was part of why the other boy was being so cold now. Still, it could hardly explain the extreme degree of his best friend's anger.

            During breakfast, Peter desperately begged Sirius to help him with the Potions homework that was due this afternoon. With a spiteful glance at James, who seemed happier than he had been earlier, Sirius began to instruct Peter. It wasn't that he didn't want to help the plump boy; actually, Sirius felt better about himself when he was doing so. The problem was that James was being distant with Peter, too, even though the last Marauder had done absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, Peter had no idea what was happening. He didn't know that Remus and Sirius had finally wrangled a cemented romantic relationship, or that James was often walking into the middle of their affair. He could only assume that James was spending time with Lily due to some new urge to flirt with the pretty redhead. "Doesn't it bother you that James is ignoring us these days?" Peter said, after adding several things to his composition. He was looking at Sirius anxiously.

            Sirius shrugged. "It's his problem if he wants to spend time with a pretty face rather than his best friends," he replied, allowing a bitter tone to creep into his words. He met Peter's earnest gaze and allowed himself to smile a bit. At least Peter was company, although he often whined about homework. He was far better than having no one. However, Sirius still missed Remus. He couldn't wait until tonight, when they would have their monthly adventure. The only problem with it was that James would be there. In his current state of mind, James was not going to be amusing company.

            "Do you suppose that James will even come tonight?"

            "He told me he would," Sirius said, glancing down the table at James again. "I guess it'll be all right if he doesn't. Remus shouldn't be too hard for me to handle if James doesn't show up. But for our sake," he added, thinking of the possibilities, "it'll be a lot better if he does come, even if he isn't as much fun as he usually is."

            Peter scrawled several more things onto his Potions homework. "Did you finish the three feet for McGonagall?" he asked, looking nervous. "I only have two."

            "You can read mine," said Sirius. "But first we'd better go to History of Magic."

Double Potions seemed to come far too quickly for Sirius's liking. He found himself in the dungeon classroom – listening to Professor Saëns hiss instructions on how to make a Greater Truth Potion – altogether too soon. He was partnering Peter today, since Remus was absent, and James was sitting with Lily. The second they were allowed to assemble their ingredients, he hurriedly gathered everything into the center of the table. Peter sat watching him, looking confused. "I don't understand this at all…when do we add the asphodel?"

            "I'll tell you when," said Sirius, chopping a pile of roots into fine cubes. "Just watch me for a second and then help out, would you?"

            They did amazingly well, and even Professor Saëns could not complain. However, he managed to take five points from Gryffindor when one of the girls spilled her roots all over the floor. Sirius couldn't see the fairness in this, but had learned that it was wise not to comment. Saëns was vicious when the Gryffindors did better than his beloved Slytherins, and they were indeed doing just this. Lucius Malfoy and his gang were fumbling to finish their potion by the time that most Gryffindors were done. Of course, the stupidity of Malfoy's cronies, Crabbe and Goyle, was not helping. Snape was the only Slytherin who had done it properly, having been paired with a boy more intelligent than Crabbe and Goyle.

            Saëns demanded their homework at the end of class, as if he had wanted to build suspense, and assigned them to simply read the section on Truth Potions in their textbooks. He seemed lazy today, despite his fury that the Gryffindors had bested his own House. Everyone was grateful that their homework load was light today. It seemed that all the teachers were thinking on the same level.

Sirius and Peter were both silent at dinner. James was sitting with them for once, his gaze constantly flicking to where Lily was talking with her friends. He did not, however, look at Sirius or Peter once during the meal. Once they were all finished, though, he did say, "Remember tonight." Then he stood up and joined Lily to walk out of the Great Hall.

            Once it was dark outside, the three boys climbed out of their beds, got dressed again, and snuck outside. They didn't bother with the Invisibility Cloak. They rarely did these days, since the teachers and even the caretaker didn't seem very watchful anymore. They went out through the portrait hole and crept downstairs and out onto the grounds.

            Clouds obscured the full moon for the moment, but it would be a matter of moments before it was in plain view again. They transformed and dashed to the Whomping Willow. Peter scampered to the knot, stepped on it, and froze the tree's attacking branches. James and Sirius dashed into the tunnel first; once they were in safely, Peter jumped off the knot and bounded in after them.

            It seemed like ages before they finally reached the Shrieking Shack. Remus had already transformed, and was only feet from the entrance to the tunnel. They had planned their escapades for this month, so there was nothing to do but head for the Forbidden Forest.

The three boys returned to their dormitory in the dark hours of the morning, before anyone was bound to be awake. Sirius was exhausted and his limbs were sore from all the walking. They had been through as much of the forest as they assumed was wise, though they had somehow evaded meeting with any incredibly dangerous creatures. He dropped gratefully into his bed and caught a few hours of sleep before it was time to wake up and go down to breakfast.

            James was still sleeping when Sirius opened his eyes. He smiled to remember that Remus would be back today. Peter was company, yes, but he was nowhere near as good or as much fun as Remus. Sirius dressed in a hurry and dashed downstairs to the common room. Quite a few people were already there, chatting lazily by the fireside. Sirius went straight out the portrait hole and down to the Great Hall. There were also a lot of people already here. Sirius hurried to the Gryffindor table and sat across from Remus, who was looking tired and worn from the night before. "Hey, Remmie," he said softly. He reached across the table and squeezed the brunet's hand before beginning to pile eggs and sausages onto his plate.

            "Morning, Padfoot," said Remus in reply. He looked sleepy, but he was not one to let that stop him. "Where're Wormtail and Prongs?"

            "Asleep," Sirius smiled. "They'll miss breakfast if they don't get up soon."

            As if on cue, James and Peter came into the Great Hall. Peter took a seat beside Remus and automatically started asking questions about the Transfiguration essay. James ignored them except to nod curtly to Remus. Then he plopped down beside Lily without so much as a backward glance at them.

            "I'm getting sick of that," said Remus. His eyes were narrowed in annoyance.

            "Don't let him get to you." Sirius offered him an encouraging smile. "He doesn't deserve anything from you, not even your anger."

            Remus nodded, but he continued to glare in James's direction.

"Prongs, I need to talk to you," Remus said. He realized that he sounded cold and commanding, but he hardly cared anymore. James had been behaving in a similar way recently. It was time he got a taste of his own medicine – or at least learned that you didn't ignore your best friends without consequence.

            James looked up from Lily, the smile fading quickly from his face. "What is it?" he asked, not moving from the spot.

            Remus frowned and crossed his arms irritably. "I need to talk to you somewhere else," he snapped. "It's a _bit private." He raised an eyebrow at James, challenging him to protest on the matter._

            "All right," James said, now looking quite put out. "I'll see you later, Lils." He waved a gloomy goodbye to Lily and followed Remus out into the corridor. Once they were walking away from the portrait hole, he broke the silence and demanded, "What is this all about, Remus? It had better be good."

            "Trust me, it's worth it," said Remus shortly. He personally didn't feel like making a conversation with James, the boy who had renounced his best friends because of a relationship that was blossoming between them. And as if that didn't offend Remus enough, James had been cold to Peter, who was clueless as to the situation. He ushered James into an empty classroom to assure that they would not be disturbed. "What's your problem?" he asked angrily as soon as he closed the door. James didn't reply and looked out the window. "Well?" Remus demanded. "I'm supposed to be one of your best friends, James. You can tell me." He glared at the other boy until James looked at him in a puzzled way. "Unless, of course, you don't want a _queer knowing what's got you so bloody pissed off!" he snapped._

            James's eyes widened in shock. Never before had Remus spoken in such a spiteful tone to him. "I don't have a problem," he said eventually. "And I don't care that you're a queer. I've suspected it for ages. This whole thing with Sirius just proves my point."

            "You have a problem," said Remus, shaking with rage, "you're pissed off at Sirius and I for no reason. Even walking in on us snogging isn't bad enough to make you this angry. You're acting like one of us betrayed you or something."

            "Maybe you did!" James snarled. "And what gives you the right to preach to me about being prejudiced about you being gay?"

            "What gives you the right to get so angry over something that we could have all solved through normal conversation?" Remus shot back, thinning his eyes. "After all, if you wanted to deal with this maturely, you could have always asked to discuss it with one of us. I don't see why you procrastinated. Unless, of course, there is some deeper reason to why you're mad?"

            "You have no idea, Remus," said James derisively. "You don't understand."

            "Try me," retorted Remus. "I'm sure you'd be surprised. I'm not stupid, you know, even if you might like to think that I am."

            "I don't think you're stupid!" James exclaimed defensively. "I think that Sirius is stupid. He'll use you, Remus. And when he's done with you, do you know what he's going to do?" He hardly waited for a response before adding venomously, "He'll throw you out like a used tissue and chase some other girl. You know that Sirius can't survive very long without fucking something!"

            "Shut the bloody hell up!" Remus shouted.

            James saw a blur and felt intense pain as Remus's fist connected with his jaw. It felt like the bone was breaking. One thing was for sure: Remus could cause hellish amounts of pain when he felt like doing so. James opened his eyes and saw Remus breathing heavily, looking as if he would be willing to hit him again if it meant he was defending Sirius. "Don't insult him like that. Sirius isn't as much of a prick as you're making him out to be. That department's already been more than filled by you."

            James tried to tackle the werewolf, but Remus nimbly moved out of the way and James very nearly crashed into the wall. He turned to look at his opponent and saw Remus standing there, glaring daggers at him. "You really are naïve if you think that Sirius will actually hold on to you. How long do you honestly think he'll give you if you don't let him shag you?"

            "Sirius happens to respect me, James," Remus said. His voice was dangerously quiet and James knew not to interrupt. "Maybe if you understood love decently you'd understand that."

            "I know what love is, Remus. Love isn't the same as some bottomless lust, like Sirius feels for you. I see how he looks at you. To him, you're just something to fuck silly and then discard when he's through."

            "I told you not to insult him!" Remus shouted, and James fell silent. He had never seen the usually placid werewolf this angry before. For that matter, he had never known Remus to physically retaliate towards someone before, especially not one of his friends – no matter how angry said friend had made him. "Sirius doesn't live to shag people, you know. There's more to him than that. I would have thought that you, as his so-called best friend, would know that even better than I do."

            James frowned. "You're going to be just a pawn to him," he said. "I don't want you to get hurt. I know how you love Sirius. You idolize him. But if you fancy keeping your sanity and your happiness, you'll stay out of a relationship with him." He sighed, waiting for the blow, but it didn't come. Remus was watching him with thinned amber eyes, polite enough to hear him out. "I don't want to sit by and watch him torture you."

            "I won't let him throw me away after he gets what he wants," Remus said confidently. "I won't let him torture me, either." He sat down on one of the desks. "Besides, there has to be more than that. I wouldn't think that defending my emotional safety would be enough to make you stop speaking to me, not to mention Sirius and Peter."

            James ran a hand through his untidy hair and said, "You're right." Remus raised an eyebrow, obviously expecting a full confession, but James only added, "I do want to protect you, because you're my friend, but there's something else…" He trailed off and looked away guiltily.

            "What is it, Prongs?" asked Remus. He looked calmer now, not as wild and furious as he had been moments before. There was a certain anxiety in his eyes, almost concern.

            "If I tell you, you can't tell Sirius," said James solemnly. "I'll tell him when I'm ready."

            "Of course," Remus agreed.

            James sighed, a long, rattling breath that seemed to stretch ages through time. "At first I wanted you two to be happy together. I knew that you would be better off if you knew how the other felt. But then I kept walking in on you, and I saw how close you really were...I got jealous of that kind of comfort. I saw you two together and I felt like an outsider. I didn't see what I was used to, and it scared me. I wanted to be there, too, in on the secret to your happiness. That was when I got angry. I want to have some of that in my life – that feeling when there are only two of you left in the world and nothing else matters…"

            "You could have it with Lily," suggested Remus. He knew too well how James felt about the red-haired prefect, and he had been wondering when they would get a move on and confess their feelings for one another. James could only keep up the façade for a little longer, anyways. Soon the feelings that he hoped were secret would be out in the open, whether he liked it or not. "I know how you two feel about each other. I think you already have what you want, James. You just have to realize it, and do something about it. That's what a certain person told me when I was in doubt about talking to Sirius."

            James smiled at Remus for the first time in days. "Thanks, Moony," he said, reaching out and embracing his friend. "I'm sorry I was such a prick about it."

            "It's all right, Prongs," said Remus, smiling back. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure that when you tell him, Sirius will understand." He hopped off the desk and added, "Why don't we get back to the common room? Poor Lily is probably wondering if you're dead by now." He noted the bruise on James's jaw. "Sorry about that," he said. "It was an impulse and I felt like I had to defend Sirius since he wasn't there to do it for himself."  
            "Oh, it's all right. It doesn't hurt anymore," James said, and it was the truth – except for the pain. His jaw was still aching from the blow. "You sure pack a punch, Moony."

            Remus grinned sheepishly. "Are you sure that it's all right?" he asked, studying his friend.

            "Well, while I'm thinking about it, there is one last thing. I didn't include it because it sounded stupid," said James, looking embarrassed. "Once you two got together, it felt strange because you were, well...gay. I just didn't know how to cope with it. After all, Sirius plays it straight quite well. You'd never guess he liked other guys, would you?"

            "No," said Remus. "But I don't know whether it's that he's gay or that he's bisexual. He hasn't told me; maybe he doesn't even know."

            "He and I got in a fight about you," James said. "I started telling him how gay you were. But I want to know – is it true? I was being pretty derogatory about it. If it's true, I'll eat my words."

            Remus felt blood rushing to his cheeks. "I probably should have told you sooner," he said, ducking his head slightly. "But I thought you'd hate me if I told you that I was gay." Seeing the look on James's face, he added quickly, "Oh, I don't like you that way. You don't have to feel strange about it."

            James smiled with relief. "In that case, I'm sorry for insulting you about your sexuality."

            "I told you it's all right. We're friends, remember?"

            "I thought you wouldn't have that mentality anymore, considering my attitude towards you lately," James eyed Remus cautiously.

            "You apologized," said Remus. "That's enough for me. I know you don't lie to people who are your friends, even when you're in disputes with them." He reverted to smiling. "Come on, we should get back to the common room. Lily should be looking for you, and Sirius will want to talk to me. In any case, they're probably both curious."

            "Okay." James smiled back.

Sirius was waiting for Remus outside the portrait hole when they arrived. He raised an eyebrow to see that James was back in good humor, but chose not to comment. James offered a small smile as he passed Sirius and went into the common room. Sirius stared after him for a moment before he looked at Remus. "What happened between you two?"

            "He told me why he was angry with us," Remus said calmly. "But I promised him that I wouldn't tell you any details. He wants to tell you on his own."

            Sirius nodded, but he looked slightly preoccupied. "Hey, d'you suppose that the dormitory will be empty?"

            "No," said Remus automatically. "I bet Peter is in there, asleep."

            Sirius swore under his breath. "Well, come with me, Moony, and we shall revisit that classroom."

            "If you insist," smiled Remus.

            They arrived in the empty classroom that had become so familiar, and Sirius closed and locked the door behind them. He had a devilish grin on his face that suggested he had something on his mind. Sure enough, he pinned Remus to the wall and started kissing him frantically. "It's been so hard to keep my hands off you," he murmured as he paused for breath. "I love you, Remmie."

            Remus made a small purring noise in his throat as Sirius kissed him again. "I love you, too, Siri," he said between kisses. _More than you'll ever know._

            They remained together – Remus with his back to the wall, Sirius's larger body covering him – for what seemed like an eternity. Sirius's hands, however, were questing ever lower down Remus's back, and without warning he tightened his grip around the werewolf's rear end and pressed his body harder against him. Remus panicked and shoved him off, wide-eyed. "What were you doing?" he asked incredulously.

            Sirius smiled. "What, you didn't like it?"

            "Well, it was a bit unexpected!" protested Remus. "Not to mention I don't think we should be doing that yet." He frowned and crossed his arms over his chest, demonstrating his annoyance.

            "Was I supposed to ask your permission?"

            "In a way. After all, I don't like surprises of that type. Not to mention that you can wait until I'm ready to go farther. Right now I don't feel like it, and if you do, that's too bad. I think it's time you stopped pushing things as fast as you can."

            "Oh, all right." Sirius pushed himself back against Remus and pinned him once again to the wall. They had hardly been at it for a minute when Sirius started to move his hands down Remus's front. With a whimper, Remus shoved him away again, this time looking genuinely annoyed.

            "Sirius!" he scolded. "Why can't you keep your hands in halfway decent places?"

            "It's too easy not to when it's you," said Sirius. "You don't realize what you do to me."

            Remus looked shocked. "You mean…" he began, but Sirius's mouth claimed his again and he was cut off entirely. Soon he forgot exactly what he was going to ask, because Sirius was being even more amorous than ever. When Sirius Black was putting his expert tongue to work, you didn't ask questions. You were thankful that you had him. And Remus certainly was thankful. Sirius seemed to know it, one way or another.

They returned to the common room to find that it was empty, save for Lily and James. It seemed that James had finally confessed to Lily exactly how he felt, because they were kissing passionately when Sirius and Remus walked in. James was the first to notice their presence, and he pulled his lips off Lily's, looking embarrassed. She turned around and saw the other boys and turned even redder than her vibrant hair. Sirius grinned and winked at James and he and Remus continued up to the dormitory.

            Sure enough, Peter was asleep, his snores puncturing the silence in the room. The other two changed quickly and were just converging on Remus's bed when James entered the room with a broad grin on his face. "I've done it," he said. "I told her that I liked her, and she said that she felt the same...it was great. I understand what you meant, Moony."

            "Good for you, Prongs," congratulated Remus, smiling. "I told you."

            "Yeah. I owe you one," James said. He looked at Sirius. "I'm sorry for being such a prick to you, Padfoot. Can you forgive me?"

            "Sure," said Sirius. "But do me a favor – and don't get that pissed off again."

            "No problem," James said, grinning. He went to bed soon after and was almost immediately asleep, leaving Remus and Sirius the only ones awake.

            "Hey, Remmie, why do you always shove me off when it gets good?"

            "Maybe I don't want to be only appealing to you for sexual reasons," Remus said coolly. "I don't place sex at the top of my list for important things in relationships." He looked pointedly at Sirius. "I don't know about you, but I don't think I'm ready for it yet, as I said earlier. When I am, you'll know."

            "All right," Sirius said. He was disappointed – incredibly so – but he wanted to respect Remus, and he knew better than to force himself on the other boy. As he had told James when they were still fighting, he didn't want to become a rapist because he had a hard on. And it was true. Just because Remus turned him on and drove him absolutely crazy didn't mean that he had to jump him and strip off all his clothes. Sirius wanted this relationship to work; he didn't have room for mistakes. He had made a commitment, and he was going to hold to it. "But don't you think we're moving slowly enough?"

            "I think we're still going too fast," said Remus. "I told you, don't push me."

            "I don't mean to, Moony," Sirius said softly. "I just wondered…"

            Remus smiled. "Don't work yourself up about it. Curiosity isn't a sin, but you shouldn't press me too much or I may just decide to rethink our relationship." He leaned up and pressed his lips against Sirius's cheek in a quick, chaste kiss. "People may think that you're all promiscuity, but I think you're going to make the right decision." He kissed Sirius briefly on the lips and murmured, "I love you," before he climbed behind the curtains around his bed, changed into his pajamas, and went to sleep for the night.

            "I love you, too," Sirius called quietly before he followed suit.

A/N: I'm sorry if this chapter is just starting to brush on subjects that offend you. The rating is officially R from now on, even if it may be just for strong profanity and small sexual references. Don't say I didn't warn you. And in regards to when the boys are finally going to pull their act together, don't ask me…even I don't know exactly when I'm going to let Sirius have his way. ^^;; I think it'll be soon, though. Well, that's almost everything regarding this particular part of the story…

            Before I post the next chapter, I want a brief poll (only a couple people have to vote for it to end): should Remus keep up the innocent act, or should Sirius finally get what he wants? Is it time for the _real R-rated part to come, or should the story keep its clothes on for a while? Tell me, cos if you don't, I'll come up with the idea myself, and I have only two ways to write it… Answer to this lovely little poll in your review. Which brings me to my next point, PLEASE REVIEW!!!_


	8. Fresh Wounds

**Saying no to You**

Warning: This chapter is rated R, for the usual and for my own protection. The overall rating for the story, however, will stay PG-13, as I'm not going into excruciating detail. The chapters may eventually dwindle back to PG-13, but don't count on it now. Yes, yes, I do use the R rating lightly, but that's just caution. So sue me.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the brainchild of JK Rowling, and sadly, I am only the temporary babysitter. However, I am not paid for my services. You won't make any money from suing me. Only the lawyers who read this care – to the rest, it is obvious.

A/N: The people have spoken, and guess what? I'm not going to tell you! You can just read for yourself!

I feel really low for not updating for so long. As always, though, I do have an excuse. Take it or leave it, I don't care (just don't hurt me). I suffered a brief period of denial, in which I didn't think this piece of work was good enough. Then, when I actually wrote it, I had to be a perfectionist. I still feel like a creep, especially since I haven't reviewed, written, or even been onto the site for a long time (I am grievously repenting). But here it is, completed, and chapter nine will hopefully follow soon! ^_^

~Chapter Eight: Fresh Wounds~

Things couldn't have been more perfect as the sun rose over the castle. Remus was up with it, pleased that James was at last speaking to them again. It was about time that James got a clue and stopped frowning on the romance blossoming between his two best friends. At least he was sorry for it now, Remus thought with some satisfaction as he remembered the bruise that loomed on James's lower jaw now. Who would have guessed that gaunt, quiet, mysterious Remus Lupin would ever punch someone?

            Remus smiled to himself and looked over at Sirius, still sleeping soundly with his thick black hair spread out over his pillow. At least they hadn't argued last night. Remus had been afraid to admit that he didn't feel ready for a sexual commitment. Especially to Sirius, whose record proved that he hardly considered sex a commitment. But even Sirius admitted that his record wasn't what he wanted. He even confessed that he tired of sneaking around, secretly shagging every attractive female in the school. But Sirius, for all his good looks, cleverness, and popularity, had his faults.

            One fault in particular annoyed Remus and scared him at the same time. He knew that Sirius was accustomed to getting what he wanted, almost exactly when he wanted it. He knew that what Sirius wanted right now was something that he had been avoiding in their relationship, and for too much of a good reason. Sirius definitely seemed fixated these days on getting into Remus's pants and then into his bed. While it was admittedly arousing to have someone so interested in you – or rather, what he could do with you – Remus still didn't like the idea of leaping into the unknown without checking out the territory first. After all, if there was one thing he didn't want, it was to experience hurt or loss. He didn't want to lose Sirius, but he didn't want to lose his virginity, either. This presented a considerable problem, as Sirius's face was filled with longing whenever they were alone. These days, he had stopped hiding it when they were around James. Hell, it wouldn't be long before _Peter_ would suspect something.

            James started to stir, and Remus looked away from where he had been staring out the window, turning his gaze now onto his awakening friend. Grumbling, James sat up and rubbed his eyes wearily. "What time is it?" he murmured, searching for his glasses with one absentminded hand.

            "Time enough that you got up, Prongs," Remus said, amused. It was quite interesting to watch his friend's reaction when he said that.

            James looked up as soon as he got his glasses on, looking shocked to hear a voice responding to what he had obviously intended to be a rhetorical question. "You're up already?" he demanded, looking at Remus as though he were insane.

            Remus grinned and replied, "Of course. Which is why I wasn't in bed."

            "Yeah, I know. But you're up this early?"

            "It isn't that early."

            "What possessed you to wake up?" James asked, still incredulous.

            "I needed to think," Remus said. "You should probably get dressed. I expect the others will wake up any minute."

            Sure enough, Peter hit the floor with a dull thump. He rose halfway, rubbing his head. "I hate that," he complained, glaring at the bed as though it had thrown him off. His feet were tangled in the covers, and he jerked the sheets away from his ankles as James laughed at the scene that had just unfolded. Still irritated from his fall, Peter stalked off to take a shower. James followed, still sniggering and teasing Peter about it the whole way. He wasn't going to get over that for a while.

            Remus, however, was more focused on Sirius. He sat and watched the other boy, but it seemed that Sirius was not going to move. Slowly and cautiously, as Sirius could be quite the cranky one when awoken from his peaceful slumber, Remus approached Sirius's bed and shook him gently. Sirius's eyes shot open and he frowned crossly up at Remus. "What did you have to go and wake me up for?" he inquired in frustration.

            "It's about time you got up," said Remus. "Why don't you get dressed?"

            "What if I don't want to get dressed?" Sirius asked. "What if I want to get undressed?"

            "Then you're not going to do it around me," Remus replied. He had a closed expression on his face that showed his displeasure with the current subject. "Put some clothes on and we'll all go down to breakfast." He watched Sirius and waited until the other boy grabbed his clothes and closed the hangings around his bed. Sirius was usually not this shy, but he had gotten the message that Remus was trying to convey – a little modesty never hurt anyone. For that matter, he also seemed to understand that his advances were currently unwanted. He figured that there would be a time, but this wasn't it.

            He came out fully dressed and they headed down to breakfast. A few moments after they sat down and started to heap food onto their plates, James and Peter came in. James was laughing, obviously teasing Peter about the previous incident, and Peter was stammering defenses. "I got tangled in the sheets," he said earnestly.

            "Yes, you did, but that wasn't why you fell," said James, still grinning.

            "Oh…shut up," Peter said. His ears were starting to turn scarlet with embarrassment.

            "Did you finish the essay for McGonagall?" asked Remus, hoping to change the subject.

            James was successfully distracted from teasing Peter. "Oh – yeah. Lily and I worked on it together." His ears were turning pink.

            "You two are so _cute_ together!" exclaimed Sirius in a mock-feminine voice. "Is ickle Jamie finally in _love_?"

            "Shut up," mumbled James, his cheeks flushing pink as well. "We haven't gotten that serious yet – that is to say, we haven't done anything against school rules." He studied Sirius pointedly, but neither Remus nor Sirius said a word. They didn't even exchange a glance or bat an eye.

            "What are you implying?" Sirius asked, now feigning innocence. "You know I haven't done anything against the rules in _that_ department…okay, a few minor violations, but nothing major."

            Remus snorted. Sirius looked at him curiously, but James said, "Hah! Minor violations? Since when has shagging every attractive female in the school been only a minor violation?" He was smiling good-naturedly, though, and Sirius knew that he wasn't trying to pick a fight. This was fortunate for James, as he already sported one bruise from insulting Sirius.

            "Okay, okay – you win," he said, grinning.

            Remus looked slightly uncomfortable. He didn't like to talk about Sirius's past exploits, but it seemed unavoidable these days. He knew that he couldn't pretend that Sirius hadn't slept with any girls, and he knew that he couldn't turn a deaf ear when the others discussed it. But he still didn't like to be constantly reminded that Sirius, the boy he loved, had once been perhaps the most promiscuous in the school. He sighed and began to eat a little more quickly. The others seemed not to notice. They were discussing the upcoming Quidditch match against Hufflepuff. Remus listened, but he was only half interested. He didn't see as much appeal in Quidditch as his friends did; sure, it was great to watch, but Sirius and James talked about it as though they would die without it.

Classes dragged on for what seemed like ages, and although Remus took diligent notes, he wasn't paying as much attention as he usually did. His eyes were more on Sirius than on his quill or the words he was writing. Sirius caught his eye and grinned almost suggestively. Remus smiled back, but tried to hide his feelings more effectively. To let everyone know that they were together now would be to slaughter the romance before it had a fighting chance. Right now, it was Remus and Sirius against the world and its standards. They could win or lose, and quite obviously, Remus wanted to win.

            They were sitting at lunch when Sirius said under his breath, so that Peter and James wouldn't hear, "Can I talk to you for a minute, Moony?"

            "Of course," said Remus, slightly puzzled. What was with the secretive air? Could Sirius be planning something? He almost didn't want to know. But he followed his boyfriend out of the hall and to the foot of the marble staircase. "What is it that's so pressing, Padfoot?" he asked, softly in case anyone came out after them.

            Sirius sighed. "Would you meet me tonight in our classroom?" he inquired, almost urgently. "I need to see you alone, and I don't want James or Peter – for that matter, anyone – to interfere."

            Remus was still puzzled, but he nodded. "All right," he agreed. "What time?"

            "Sometime late, preferably," Sirius said, a little louder now that he was sure they were alone. "A little after midnight. Take James's Invisibility Cloak if I haven't already. Can't risk getting caught…" He smiled, now devoid of the secretive, desperate manner. "C'mon, we should get back before anyone misses us." Remus followed him back into the hall, pondering what Sirius had just requested of him. Meet him after midnight in the empty classroom? Could there be something wrong? The way Sirius talked about it, something deathly important was going to happen. Unfortunately, he hadn't given many hints. Remus wished that for once, Sirius could have openly told him what he wanted. Sirius was always one to lead his girlfriend – or boyfriend, thought Remus with a wry smile – on with subtle suggestions. Any other time, Remus would have been astounded if Sirius had bluntly stated his needs. Now he was wishing that Sirius didn't feel that discretion was important, which was a rare feeling, as Remus appreciated small nuances compared to blatancy.

It seemed like the classes after lunch took more than ages to end; to Remus, they lasted more like eternities in themselves. He hardly took a single note. When he did, he was so distracted that he found himself crossing out more words than writing them. In the end, he gave up and simply studied Sirius as casually as possible. Sirius, for his part, was busy staring off into space, and didn't notice that Remus was silently, unobtrusively admiring him.

            By dinnertime, Remus was going mad with curiosity. Midnight couldn't come quickly enough for his taste. He caught himself looking at Sirius more often than was appropriate, and even Peter seemed to be noticing. Of course, he was too busy worrying about schoolwork to pay very much attention. James, however, seemed to realize that something was happening; he kept glancing from Remus, whose eyes were raptly on Sirius much of the time, to Sirius, who apparently had no idea what was happening. He sat with Lily during dinner, and even Peter gave the two their space rather than pester them for help with his Transfiguration homework. He excused himself sooner than normal, and dashed off to the library, presumably to enlist the help of myriad spellbooks before eventually giving up on the effort.

            Remus watched with raised eyebrows as Sirius shoveled food down his throat. There were times when Sirius's table manners appalled him, reminding Remus of his friend as the bearlike dog. It was certainly fitting, though at the same time, Remus did not appreciate all the canine behaviors that Sirius displayed. He smirked to himself as he pictured Padfoot the dog taking a large gulp of water from a toilet, then shook the image off. Sirius was far smarter than to resort to such a thing. Cruel as it might sound, to sink lower than one's position was more of a thing that Peter would do.

            "Sirius?" he heard himself say. His voice sounded smaller than it usually did, and quieter.

            "Yeah?" said Sirius, through a mouthful of chicken. He was still holding a nearly bare bone in his hand. He quickly chewed the food in his mouth and swallowed it, remembering how much Remus hated impoliteness.

            Remus shook himself inwardly. He couldn't renegotiate now. They'd set the deal for midnight, and although it would be nice to cut an hour or two away from the sentenced wait, he didn't want to risk being caught. "I was just wondering…but forget it." He looked down at his plate again, away from Sirius's eyes.

            "What were you wondering?" Sirius asked, looking genuinely interested. He had put the chicken bone back on his plate, and proceeded to wipe his hands on his napkin.

            "Do we have to wait until after midnight?" Remus asked in a rush of words.

            Sirius merely stared at him. He seemed confused, as he blinked several times while still looking at Remus with a rather blank expression on his face. "Come again?" he said, with a friendly smile.

            "I said," Remus began, breathing deeply to calm his nerves, "do we have to wait until after midnight?"

            Sirius broke into a doglike grin, and Remus felt relief flood through him. He had been afraid that Sirius would be annoyed with him. "Trust me, Remmie, I'd love to see you sooner than midnight," he replied longingly, "but if we met at ten or eleven, there's a higher risk of being caught, and I don't want us to be caught."

            Remus stared. Sirius Black actually cared about being caught wandering about the school late at night, and wanted to avoid doing so? He was sure that whatever it was must be very important to have Sirius so tense about it. Any other circumstances would have found him openly embracing the idea of being caught. Sirius could weasel his way out of the worst punishments; he was certainly cunning enough. But there was something different about this time.

            _If it has Sirius worried, why aren't I worried?_

            Remus quelled his confused thoughts and turned back to his dinner, shooting one last longing look at Sirius. He wanted midnight to come right now. At least then, he wouldn't have to deal with this kind of anticipation.

As Sirius and Remus made their way up to the common room, Remus couldn't help but notice that Sirius seemed to be getting anxious. James and Lily passed them, hand in hand, her laughing at a joke he had just told, him grinning with her. Remus looked over at Sirius and wondered why they couldn't do the same: take hands and walk through the halls, openly proclaiming themselves as a couple. He knew why, of course – it was painfully obvious. Sirius would lose his popularity if he let it be known that he was gay, and Remus would be forced to alienate himself more than ever. It was a higher price than either of them was currently willing to pay.

           The common room was as loud and jubilant as it always was, even without Sirius adding to the jokes or the stories being told. He sat with Remus, working on homework they technically could have begun work on in Charms class. Remus was giddy with curiosity, and with the idea of being so close to Sirius without being able to touch him. He finally excused himself, stating that he was tired and needed to go to bed. James split from Lily as Remus crossed the common room and hurried to his side. "What's the matter with you today?" he demanded, looking interested, but concerned. "You've been so quiet, and you were off in your little world all today. Did anything happen with Sirius?" He was looking at Remus with such solemnity, such intense concentration, that Remus found it hard to meet his gaze. "Did he do anything? Did he hurt you?"

            Remus shook his head with a small smile. "No, it's nothing like that at all," he said, finally meeting his best friend's eyes. "I just haven't felt like myself today. I'm not hurt, or in trouble, and neither is Sirius. It has nothing to do with him. Or rather, nothing with a negative connotation."

            James sighed, clearly relieved. "Good," he breathed, "because I was starting to wonder when the old Moony would be back. Ever since you and Sirius…" He stopped and cleared his throat abruptly. He seemed to have decided that he shouldn't go on. But Remus nodded, wanting to hear him out, and James seemed to strengthen his resolve. "Since you and Sirius became…boyfriends, I started to worry that I was going to lose you two, at least as friends. I get most worried when one of you is spacing out all day, and I want to ask if it has to do with the other, but it sounds mean, you know?" He shoved his untidy hair out of his eyes, still looking at Remus earnestly. "If there's ever anything you need, Moony, anything at all, I'll be happy to give it to you." He smiled and headed back to Lily, who was waiting patiently across the common room.

            Remus, feeling a little less anxious and certainly better about his relationship with James, continued into the dormitory. He started to change into his pajamas, and was in nothing but his boxer shorts when Sirius entered the room. Remus felt himself blushing very faintly, almost indistinguishable in the dim lighting of the room, but still present and obvious to him. Sirius, in the meantime, had backed into the door, which he had closed behind him, a habit that currently tortured both of them. It was one less escape route for Remus, and one more tool of seduction should Sirius choose to use it.

            He didn't. "Oh…Moony, I'm sorry, I should have knocked or something," he said, tripping as he hurried out of the room.

            Remus could only stare after him, at the door which had been closed again in Sirius's wake. He had never seen Sirius make such a hasty retreat. Even Remus usually threw in some suggestive dialogue when he caught Sirius in nothing but boxers. Something strange was going on. It seemed that their meeting tonight was more important than he had thought. With a bemused shrug, he finished changing.

            Not a moment too soon, for Sirius came in again, this time more slowly. He peeked around the door before entering. There was a slightly darkening tinge to his cheeks, evident even though the light was otherwise insufficient. Sirius headed over to his trunk, grabbed his pajamas, and closed the curtains around his bed to change. Remus smiled, becoming more amused by the moment, and pulled the curtains aside. "Remus!" Sirius breathed, eyes widening with horror. He was only lacking a shirt, but he was blushing as though Remus had just caught him in the shower. "What…?"

            "You're behaving oddly, Padfoot," said Remus softly. "Are you sure you're all right?"

            "Of course I am," Sirius said, recovering. "Why?"

            "Oh, it's just that you usually throw an innuendo or two at me when you catch me changing," Remus replied, in a manner he felt was a bit too casual for the given situation.

            "Well, yes…but you said that you didn't want to do it, so I figured…" Sirius trailed off, seeing that Remus was giving him a strange look.

            "Padfoot, just because I told you not to physically make any moves on me, that doesn't mean you can't make a few innuendos. Suggestive dialogue isn't against the law, although in front of James and Peter it is certainly less welcome."

            Sirius sighed heavily, and smiled. "Well, Moony, you might as well get off my bed before anything happens," he said.

            A grin spread across Remus's face. "That's more like it," he said. He took Sirius's mouth with his own, forcing Sirius further beneath him, and wrapped his arms tightly around the other boy's waist. Sirius, after getting over the initial shock of having Remus make the first move, twined his arms around Remus's neck and kissed back, allowing the werewolf to ease him onto his back.

            "Whoa!"

            James's voice cut into the moment, and Remus jumped away from Sirius so quickly that he almost shoved his boyfriend off the bed. The guilty pair turned bright crimson, looking at James and Lily with mounting embarrassment. "I didn't know that you two were –" Lily promptly cut herself off.

            "Gay?" James suggested, and she nodded, not tearing her eyes away from Remus and Sirius. "Together?"

            "Did you know, James?" she asked, looking at him.

            "Well – yes," he admitted, "but I didn't want to tell you yet. I wanted to protect their privacy. They're my best friends, and they didn't want the whole school to know yet." He looked at Lily pleadingly. "You aren't going to tell, are you? Please, Lils, you have to keep it a secret…if not for them, then for me."

            "Of course I will, James!" she exclaimed, looking surprised. "You ought to know me better than that. I would never tell a secret like this. Remus and Sirius," she said, turning to the other two boys, "I won't tell anyone unless you specifically say that you don't mind being a couple publicly." Remus nodded weakly, and Sirius sighed with relief.

            "Well, now that _that's_ settled," he said, "could you excuse me for a minute? I have to change…"

            "Sure," said Lily and James, and they backed out.

            "That was close," said Remus, as soon as they were gone. "At least we can trust Lily."

            "Good thing James goes with her," Sirius agreed, pulling off his pants and reaching for his pajamas. "Anyone else, and we'd be all over the school by tomorrow morning." He closed the curtains, but a moment later, he reemerged in his sleep shorts. "We're alone, Moony. No one but us would know…"

            "No," Remus replied, so coldly, that he shocked even himself. "For the last bloody time, Sirius, I am _not_ going to have sex with you just because –"

            Sirius was taken aback. "I didn't mean anything like that!" he said, staring at Remus. "I don't always think about sex, you know." He grinned devilishly. "Although it is an intriguing subject."

            "Keep your shorts on, Padfoot," Remus said, but he was using a much warmer tone now that he was reassured. His face softened when he noticed that Sirius still looked hurt. "Oh, come here," he offered.

            Sirius climbed into his arms in record timing, and Remus pushed him back to where they had been moments before. Their lips were locked, tongues brushing slowly against one another as Sirius let out a muffled moan. The small creak of the door opening alerted Remus this time, however, and he reluctantly jerked his lips from Sirius's, gesturing frantically for his boyfriend to get in his own bed. Sirius complied automatically, and seconds later James and Lily reentered the room. Remus was just crawling under the covers, and Sirius threw his clothes on top of his trunk before proceeding to do the same. James and Lily stole one last kiss before she headed for her own dormitory.

Remus awoke and looked frantically for a clock. He was sure that it was past midnight, and he needed to meet Sirius in the empty classroom. Sliding noiselessly out of bed, he saw that the bed next to his, Sirius's bed, was empty. With a soft sigh, he hurried to get dressed, and went to get James's Invisibility Cloak. It was already gone. That meant that Sirius was definitely waiting for him. Hurrying now, Remus left the dormitory, closing the door softly behind him, and went out the portrait hole. Anxiety got the best of him here and he nearly ran to the empty classroom, praying that Sirius was already there.

            But when he closed the door behind himself, he looked around and saw no one. Dejected, he sat down on a desk and shoved his hair out of his eyes. A few minutes passed in silence. "Maybe he forgot," Remus proposed aloud.

            "Or maybe he's behind you," said another voice.

            Remus had to clutch the edges of the desk to keep from falling off. He turned around and saw Sirius sitting behind him, laughing as he folded the Invisibility Cloak neatly. He put it aside, on one of the other desks, looking grave once more. "Why did you ask me to meet you here?" Remus asked.

           "You have a one-track mind," Sirius murmured, drawing Remus to him and kissing him deeply, slowly sliding his tongue into the werewolf's mouth. Remus heard a tiny moan escape him, and he pressed closer to Sirius.

            He jerked back almost as quickly, looking shocked. "Sirius," he said cautiously.

            "What?" demanded Sirius. He took Remus by the wrist and pulled him back. Once Remus was in his arms again, Sirius began where he had left off. They moved slowly from their space between the desks, so that Remus's back was against the wall. Sirius ground himself closer, so close that Remus felt dizzy. He no longer had air to himself. He was completely trapped. It was starting to scare him. For that matter, so was Sirius. It was agonizingly obvious that Sirius was aroused, and he was making it even more so by pressing his erection against Remus's waist. Pinned to the wall, crushed by Sirius, Remus could hardly move. He felt Sirius's questing hands gripping his waist, too close for comfort. Sirius was reaching up, starting to unfasten Remus's robes, fumbling slightly, agonizingly close as he thrust his lower half harder against the shorter boy.

            Remus would not let Sirius finish unfastening his robes. He shoved Sirius away, frightened, but angry. "What do you think you're doing?" he snapped. "I've told you before, Sirius, I'll let you know when I'm ready!"

            "Yeah," said Sirius with a dismissive shrug. He reached for Remus again, but the brunet dodged, his eyes flaming with rage.

            "Just because you have a hard on doesn't mean that I'm going to spread my legs and let you have your way, Sirius," Remus growled. "And I specifically said that I didn't want to go this far. I told you that I didn't want to have sex with you, and you're not listening!"

            "Bloody hell, Remus, we weren't having sex," Sirius said, as calmly as he could.

            "You were feeling me up, and it was pretty obvious what you wanted," Remus hissed.

            "You've been sending some pretty mixed messages," snarled Sirius, giving up the calm façade in an instant. "Sure, you'll take it as far as you want to when you're on top, but when I try anything, you throw a fit and throw my record back in my face! Well, I told you I didn't like it with those girls. I love you, Remus. Why the hell can't you stop being such a fucking prude? I never hurt you. I never did anything to you that qualifies as abuse. I never forced you to do anything that you didn't want to do."

            "Leave me the hell alone, Sirius. I'm sick of your excuses, and I'm sick of you trying to subdue me. When I want to have sex with you, that is to say, when I'm ready, you'll know. I won't hide it from you."

            "Save it," Sirius retorted. "I don't want to hear it anymore, Remus. I'm tired of your games. Maybe I don't care as much as I thought I did. It's over. You can mess around with someone else, lead some other unlucky bastard on, because I'm not going to play your fucked up little games anymore." He seemed ready to hit Remus, but the seemingly frail werewolf was one up on him.

            Remus rose his fist and caught Sirius under the jaw, right in the spot where he had previously punched James – he knew that it was painful from that past experience. This time, however, the recipient was coughing up blood as he struggled to get up. Remus kicked Sirius back down on the floor and held him there with one foot. "I told James that you wouldn't hurt me," he said, through the tears that were now streaming down his face. "I hit him to make him stop insulting you. I really believed that you weren't the worthless, constantly horny bastard that you are. I really believed that you cared about me for more than sex. And you know what, Sirius?" He pressed his foot down harder for emphasis. "I was wrong! You fucked up too badly this time. You tricked me, but you won't ever do it again!" He grabbed the Invisibility Cloak and ran from the classroom, leaving Sirius on the floor, the hand at his lips stained with red.

            "What the hell did I do?" he asked the empty room. "What's wrong with me?"

            The stone walls provided him with no comforting words, nor with an answer.

Remus ran into the dormitory and put the Invisibility Cloak back in James's trunk. He threw himself back on his bed. Turning over on his stomach, he pressed his face heavily into the pillow. Perhaps if he stayed like this long enough, he would suffocate. Death wasn't the answer, but to be gone – to be absolute nothingness – was tantalizing. Remus, however, knew better. He turned over on his back and saw James sitting on his bed, looking down at him, worry etched onto his face.

            "What happened, Moony?" he asked, opening his arms.

            Remus fell willingly into the embrace, putting his own arms around James's neck, burying his face in his best friend's shoulder. It wasn't the same as a loving embrace, the kind to be shared only with one person, but it would do. "He was feeling me up," Remus began, "but then he got too close – he tried to undress me – and I got scared. I pushed him off. We argued about our relationship; I hit him a couple times, and came back here."

            James breathed in sharply, tightening his hold around Remus. "Don't worry about him," he whispered soothingly. "And don't live your life around him. He isn't worth it. The bastard went too far, and he probably knows it. He hurt you, Moony. He had no right to do that to you."

            Remus sighed, moving closer to James. "Thanks, Prongs," he murmured.

            "Anytime, anything. I'll be there for you, Moony."

            "It's nice to have someone who feels that way," Remus said, starting to cry again.

            James shushed him and pulled Remus closer, holding him until the werewolf finally began to relax. Once he fell asleep, James started to slide away. He placed Remus under the covers and was just crawling back into his bed when he saw Sirius standing in the doorway. A thin trail of blood was running over his jaw, and he had a darkening bruise on the underside of his jaw. Tears were coursing from his eyes, mingling with the blood as they dribbled off his chin. "I've been a bastard and a prick, Prongs," he murmured, falling to his knees at the side of James's bed.

            "You never spoke a truer word," said James. He patted the bed next to him and Sirius leapt up gratefully. "So, what's your version of events?"

            Sirius sighed and tried in vain to stop the tears from flowing down his cheeks. "I felt him up, and I was starting to unfasten his robes when he pushed me off. He was scared, and for good reason. I was coming on too strong. What can I say? I wanted him, and nothing was going to stop me. But he did. He punched me in the jaw, kicked me down and held me there while he threw insults at me. Then he ran away from me. I lost him, Prongs, and just because I was too stupid to see that he meant it. He wasn't ready. I was, don't get me wrong, I would have taken him then and there, but he didn't feel the same way, and I practically forced it on him…" Sirius shuddered. "I can't let him know now, of course…he'd never give me any peace. He doesn't love me anymore, after what I did, and who could blame him?"

            Remus, supposedly asleep in his bed, opened his eyes.

A/N: Phew! I'm glad that's over with. I hate making them fight, but there are added benefits, such as torturing Sirius and making him repent, which brings them closer in the end (I hope). Don't hate my Sirius; he's just a lustful teenager. For that matter, this is getting closer to the part many of you are eagerly awaiting: the moment when Sirius gets his way at last, also known as the dirtiest part of the story. But that isn't here yet. And there are other important things to discuss, such as my beloved and faithful reviewers! Especially QueenSmithy – she rocks! Check out her story (way better than mine), called "Definition of a Wolf." She's brilliant. No, she's not paying me. I just like her work and I love her for reviewing for me. Anyway, methinks that's about it. I love all my reviewers!!! THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!!


	9. A Winning Battle

Saying no to You 

Rating: R, as a precaution. Just some little references to Chapter Eight, which had the same rating.

For disclaimers, see earlier chapters.

A/N: Since the last chapter was getting closer to explicitness for those of you who appreciate such touches, this chapter will probably be better about avoiding that. Judge for yourself. And don't get on my case for the way I'm going to portray Sirius. It's just my view, after all, and if you disagree, say so politely. I ignore flames, except for using them to roast marshmallows. Anywho, on to the story!

~Chapter Nine: A Winning Battle~

_Does Sirius mean it_?

            Remus turned ever so slightly, just enough to see what was happening. He heard every word that Sirius spoke to James, and heard small sniffs that signified Sirius was crying. Remus had never known Sirius to cry before. He felt a quick pang, before he remembered what Sirius had done to him – and what he had been trying to do. To feel sympathy for Sirius was betrayal to himself, since Remus knew that he had made himself clear. He would let Sirius know when he was ready. That should have been enough.

            But clearly, it was not enough, and Sirius had tried to push things farther, much too quickly for Remus's taste. It would be a lie to say that he wouldn't have enjoyed it, at least initially, although Remus knew that it would also be a lie to say that he wasn't scared about letting Sirius have his way. He loved Sirius, despite his current fury, and he would like to remain together, but he would have some conditions: it would be on his terms.

            "Does it hurt?" James asked, obviously referring to the bruised jaw and the tiny trail of blood that Sirius had not bothered to clean off.

            "Yeah." Sirius grimaced. "He told me he punched you in the jaw, too."

            "In defense of you," James replied solemnly. "You were wrong to force it on him, Sirius."

            "I know,"  whispered  Sirius. "You don't have to remind me. I lost him, okay? I don't need to think about it. I already have too much on my mind."

            "He loved you," said James. "He probably still does, despite what happened."

            Sirius wiped the tears away from his eyes, and attempted to clean off the blood that was still trickling over his chin. "I love him, too. The problem is that I want what I can't have, and he's keeping it from me on purpose. It would be heaven to sleep with him, I have to admit, but it would be better to know that we both care about each other. Nothing else matters." He sighed. "Of course, Remus isn't going to see it that way. I hurt him too badly."

            _You can be sure of that, Padfoot_.

            James nodded gravely. "He'll eventually forgive you. Don't stress over it too much."

            "I can't help it," Sirius moaned. "Remus is like part of me. If he's gone…I don't know what I'll do."

            James enfolded Sirius in a tight hug, and Sirius rested his head against the other boy's shoulder, the tears starting in his eyes again. At least there was no longer any blood flowing from his mouth, although Remus personally felt that Sirius deserved a bit of pain, to teach him that you didn't always get what you wanted. "I'm sorry it had to be this way, Sirius," said James.

            "Not any more than I am. If only I hadn't done that. I asked him there with the intention of seducing him. I knew it was wrong, really, but I let lust take over me." Sirius sighed deeply, mournfully. "He has no idea what he does to me."

            "I'm sure he felt something," said James, a hint of teasing in his voice.

            "Stop reminding me. I shouldn't have pushed so hard. I probably bruised him. He was stuck between me and a stone wall, and I wasn't giving him any space." Sirius pulled out of the hug slowly, looking at James with sorrowful eyes. "I think it scares him when I push him to the wall like that, and when I make sure that he knows how turned on I am." Sirius shuddered. "He probably gets disgusted with it."

            "Have you ever stopped to notice how he reacts?"

            "Er – no," Sirius admitted. "I'm always too caught up in the moment."

            "Well, did you notice anything while the two of you were in here, when he made the first move?" James was looking at  Sirius pointedly.

            "Of course not," said Sirius. "I told you, I never pay attention to anything but my hard on, except for how beautiful and perfect he is, and how good he tastes…" he trailed off with a longing sigh. "Remus is marvelous, isn't he?"

            "Yes," James said warily. "He is quite important."

            "I love him so much, Prongs – you would never even begin to imagine," Sirius flopped on his back. "And to think that I lost him…it's almost more than I can bear. He deserves better than me. I'm just trash, and he knew it. He kicked me down and threw it in my face that I wasn't worth his time or his love. He was right. You were right, Prongs. I hurt him.  You knew it would happen, and look – it did."

            James exhaled heavily. "I didn't want to believe it at first, Padfoot."

            "It's true," Sirius said vehemently. "You know it is – stop being so nice about it and admit that I'm a prick. I should throw myself off the Astronomy tower, although that's too honorable a death for me. I'm low, James. I disregarded his wishes, even though I wanted nothing more than to make him happy. I wanted him to love me so much that I tried to rush things. I went about everything the wrong way. Remus needs stability, someone who can take better care of him than I can."

            "Oh, stop degrading yourself," James said heavily. "He loves you. Remus is happy with just you – not your security, not your lustful attitude, although I'm certain that the latter is quite helpful in those…er, heated moments you have." He smiled, pleased that the mood had lightened a shade. "He just wants you and your love. Is there anything else to give?"

            "Yes," said Sirius. "I owe him an apology. I should beg him to forgive me."

            James grinned. "It's a rare occasion indeed when Sirius Black begs for forgiveness, or anything, for that matter. Are you sure that you're feeling all right?" He put his hand to Sirius's forehead. "You must care about him a lot, if you're willing to get down on bended knee and plead with him to forgive you."

            "I would do _anything_ for Remus," Sirius stated simply, but with power. He meant it.

            "Let's hope so," James replied, "since he'd do the same for you."

            Sirius nodded, looking out the window. The tears in his eyes were evident, despite the darkness. "I think I'd better go to bed," he murmured to James. "I need to get up early."

            "Why?" James demanded. Sirius never wanted to wake up early. "Are you sure you're feeling all right?"

            "I don't want to have to face him yet. I'll face him soon, but not now. I can't do it," Sirius explained, looking defeated. Remus was surprised; he had never seen Sirius look defeated. It was a revelation, to know that Sirius Black was not a god, even if some people worshipped him as one. Remus shook himself slightly as he remembered that he had once been among those people. Sirius had been the only one who moved him that way. But Sirius had been moving him the wrong way recently – he was always trying to move their relationship a step further, no matter how many times Remus told him to take it slow. He was jarred out of his thoughts when he heard Sirius say, "Goodnight, James."

            James nodded and went back to bed, dropping off to sleep almost immediately. On the other hand, Sirius tossed and turned for hours before finally tiring. Remus allowed himself to settle down and rest as soon as he was sure that Sirius would finally fall asleep. He had to get up as early as possible, even if it meant confronting Sirius. He needed to think, and early morning was the best time for that.

When Remus next opened his eyes, the light outside was very faint, the sun's rays hardly penetrating the dark sky. He fumbled around inside his trunk and changed into clean robes, then slid off his bed. Just as he turned around to leave the dormitory, he found himself face to face with Sirius. "What are you doing up?" he demanded, raising a skeptical eyebrow at the other boy. He needed to make it convincing that he knew nothing about the conversation last night. Sirius would be furious if he knew that Remus had heard him pouring his heart out to James, since it made him vulnerable. It brought him down from his celestial perch, and that was something that he was not willing to forsake.

            Sirius stared at him for a long, tense moment, his jaw slightly slack. There was a bruise there quite similar to James's, although this was – if possible – even more livid. Finally, getting a hold of himself, Sirius answered, "Thinking. Is that against the law?" He tried staring Remus down, and failed miserably.

            "Well, think somewhere else. Most people don't like seeing filth the moment they wake up," Remus snapped. He pushed past Sirius, gathering no resistance from the other boy, which was surprising. Under normal circumstances, Sirius would protest and try to hold him back. But these were obviously not normal circumstances.

            Remus left the common room and headed down the corridor, not sure where he was going until he was outside, standing in the dewy grass on the grounds. He began to walk, taking a leisurely pace so that he could concentrate on other things. Such as Sirius, and what would happen now. He still loved Sirius, no matter what had happened between them, but the problem was that to forgive the other boy, even now, would be pointless. Sirius had to know that he had done something wrong. He already repented, but that was because he couldn't have what he wanted. Remus remembered what he had heard the night before. He knew that Sirius was used to getting what he wanted, and he knew that Sirius wanted nothing more than to have him back. Hand Sirius what he wanted, and Sirius was the winner.

_I'm going to win this one, and I'm going to do it on my own terms_.

Remus went to breakfast feeling empowered, although his resolve began to crumble the instant he saw Sirius, and the misery on his face. He was speaking quietly to James, who seemed sympathetic. Gathering his wits, Remus sat down beside James. The only acknowledgement of his presence was James's brief nod. Sirius flicked his eyes over Remus, despondency pouring from him with every breath he took. It was clear to anyone that Sirius was suffering, but why he was suffering was known only to three people. Remus personally wanted to keep it that way.

            They ate in silence; Sirius refused to continue his conversation with James when Remus was present, and Remus hadn't the heart to attempt talking to anyone, not even James. Peter was sitting down the table, sensing that the other three needed their space and wanted their silence. James got up first, and moved down to discuss something with Lily in urgent, hushed voices. She nodded solemnly and they were silent, but neither moved from their spot.

            Sirius and Remus were left alone, but where James and Lily's silence was understanding, theirs was tense. The situation was a ticking bomb – if either of them did anything to set it off, everything would worsen. Remus, tiring of the oppressive silence and the cloud of sadness that hung around Sirius, dampening the spirits of everyone around him, got up and went to Transfiguration. He didn't bother talking to James. No one was going to understand, anyway – no one but himself, and he wasn't even sure that he understood.

            He heard James and Lily enter, saw them sit down, but he did not utter a word in greeting, nor did he wave or show that he noticed them. Remus was too lost in thought, busy pondering what to do about Sirius, to care when everyone else came in. He had inked his quill and had it poised on the paper, ready to take notes, but when he looked down he noticed that he had ruined the parchment: a large blot had formed, coating an entire corner of the sheet. Cursing silently, Remus threw it away and got out a new sheet. This time he did not poise his quill. Rather, he sat staring out the window until he heard the classroom door open again.

            At first he thought it was Sirius, but when he turned to look, Professor McGonagall was striding into the classroom, her mouth pulled tighter than usual. As she began to talk, Remus started to absently take notes, glancing towards the door constantly. Throughout the lecture, he was too busy looking for Sirius to hear what Professor McGonagall was saying. He almost didn't care, come to think of it. Although technically, he reminded himself, he shouldn't have been waiting for Sirius. It wasn't his problem if Sirius skived off and got into trouble later. He wasn't supposed to care what Sirius did anymore.

            The problem was that he did, and it was unavoidable. Sirius was a fixture in his life. Remus had come to depend on Sirius. The thought scared him, though in a way it was relieving to admit the truth, even if he was only telling himself. At least he accepted it. At least he knew that he hadn't been dreaming the whole time they were together. Right now, though, it seemed as though the fantasy had come to a sudden halt. Remus was awake again. This was real life, and he was no longer playing Sirius's game.

Throughout the entire day, Sirius showed up at only one lesson. Ten minutes into Herbology, he came banging into the greenhouse. If it was possible, he seemed more pained than before. He sat down with James and Lily, starting a conversation. Somehow, Remus got the feeling that Lily knew what had been happening. He wasn't sure yet if he appreciated it or not, but at least they could trust Lily. She was one who could understand. She already knew that he and Sirius had been together; what harm could more knowledge of their currently shattered relationship do?

            Remus immediately knew the answer to the puzzle. He would talk to Lily and James, the only ones who knew about it who were neutral. Tonight he would tell them his side, the whole story, and ask their advice. They were in a relationship, and they knew all about Sirius. They knew about what had happened between Remus and Sirius. If anyone would understand, if anyone could help, it was them. The mere thought of going to someone like Peter and confessing his innermost feelings was absurd. Remus almost laughed.

            But he had the key now, and it fit the lock perfectly.

            He went through Herbology attempting not to look at Sirius, but he caught himself staring several times. What was wrong with him? He wanted nothing more than to push Sirius out of his mind for a moment, and here he was, right there, but so unreachable. Remus knitted his eyebrows together and forced himself to concentrate on Professor Sprout's instructions. This was no time to give in, especially after last night. He couldn't forgive Sirius for that. Remus wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had won.

Remus waited until the common room was nearly empty before he caught Lily and James. They were about to go out the portrait hole when he stopped them. "I need to talk to you," he said, trying not to sound desperate. He wasn't begging for help or throwing himself at their mercy. He wasn't that type of person. Usually he relied on himself to deal with things. If Sirius were still with him, then he would have been the one to help.

            _He isn't your boyfriend anymore, you twit_, Remus told himself fiercely. _Get over him_.

            "What is it?" asked James.

            "It's about Sirius," Remus said.

            James exchanged a concerned look with Lily. "All right," he said. They moved back to one of the couches and sat down. When the last stragglers had gone, he added, "What is it about Sirius?"

            Remus sighed. He was going to do it, and he wasn't going to cry – he was going to be strong. He would prove that he didn't need Sirius. They probably already assumed that, but he needed to prove it to himself. "I know that Sirius has overstepped his boundaries," he began, drawing a shaky breath. Anxiety was beginning to settle in. "I know that he was wrong, and I hated him for what he did. The problem is that I still care for him."

            "That's not so much of a surprise," James said.

            "No, it's not really, but I was starting to depend on him too much. I can easily live without him," he added, seeing the look on James's face. "I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. Obviously I want to fix things, but Sirius is probably pissed at me for hitting him and making a fool of him. Even more important, to go to him and forgive him is to let him win. I don't want him to think he can get away with trying to push himself on me. I explicitly told him to let me take it at my own speed."

            "Remus, if you aren't ready to do anything with Sirius – platonic or not – then don't do it," said Lily reasonably. "If it makes you feel that bad, it isn't worth concentrating on."

            "She's right," James agreed. "Put Sirius out of your mind. Since he disregarded your feelings and your wishes to take it slower, he disregarded you as a person. He doesn't need to be forgiven yet. And you're right, too – he would be winning if you handed him the one thing he wants the most."

            Remus thought about their words for a minute. He wasn't sure whether to agree with them, or tell them that Sirius was too important to push away. The thought of losing Sirius was excruciating. He had already distanced himself, punishing Sirius in his own way for what had happened, but he didn't want to sever their ties completely. He still loved Sirius, and he knew, from what he had heard Sirius telling James, that Sirius felt the same way. Perhaps they had a chance. Or perhaps not; Sirius was too quick to anger, and too hard to forgive. Remus shook his head, trying to clear it, but all that did was make his headache worse. "I can't just stop thinking about him," he said aloud. "I've been thinking about him since second year. I just can't let his stupid mistakes govern my life. I want to believe that what he did, he did out of passion. But that's just wishful thinking, isn't it? He did push himself on me, and he does seem to want me to have sex with him quite a lot, more than anything else."

            "You can refuse him," Lily pointed out. "If he tries to do anything then, like he did last night, you have grounds to lose him. He doesn't deserve you if he can't respect your wishes."

            "That's why I'm so confused," said Remus. "I don't want to lose him, but I can't forgive him. I'm going to win this round."

            James seemed to be fighting a battle with himself, although Remus didn't know which side won until he said, "Last night, when Sirius came back from trying to seduce you, he told me a couple things. I know that I'm betraying his trust by telling you, but you have a right to know, since they involved you." He glanced around, as though expecting Sirius to come charging in and attack him, but they were alone in the room. "He said that he asked you to meet him with the intention of seducing you, but he also said that he did it because he let his lust get to him. Then he said that he loved you. He said the thought of losing you was more than he could bear. He brought himself down. He said he didn't deserve you. Just the way he was saying it – he felt his words. He meant it. Sirius is guilty for what he did, and he's paying the price. Did you see how miserable he was today?"

            Remus nodded. "I noticed," he said. "But Sirius can't have meant all that, could he?"

            "I guess you would have to ask him," James said. "I don't care if he comes after me for telling you what he said. You had a right to know anyways."

            "He won't come after you, because I'll tell him the truth," Remus said. "I should have told you sooner, James, but I didn't want you to be angry. Last night, when you were talking with Sirius, I was awake. I heard everything. And that's why I feel so low for trying to get over him. We should be able to talk over things, shouldn't we? Ignoring each other and pretending to hate each other doesn't solve the problems."

            "Then go tell him that," Lily prompted. "Sirius needs to hear it from you."

            "If you heard what we said last night, you know he still loves you, no matter what he did," said James. He did not seem angry that Remus had overheard. If he cared at all, he wasn't showing it, or did not feel badly about it.

            "I'll do it tomorrow, then. I'll have to catch him alone, but that won't be difficult, considering the way he mopes around by himself." He felt a pang of guilt as he remembered that Sirius was so miserable because he thought that his remaining love was no longer returned.

            Lily and James nodded as one unit, and Remus stood up. He vowed to be true to his word. He owed it to himself, and – much as he might regret it later, or perhaps reap a benefit from it – he owed it to Sirius. Sirius had to know the truth. He might not think that he deserved Remus, but he deserved that much. Hell, he deserved the world. Remus smiled to himself. Right now, he didn't even mind if Sirius came in. He would tell him the truth. He glanced back at the other two. Well, maybe not right _now_. They were still in the room, and that would just be embarrassing for both Remus and Sirius. But another time. Any time they were alone. Remus felt his resolve strengthen and his mood lighten. He could do this. He was fighting a winning battle.

As usual, Remus was up with the sun. He was practically before it today, for he still had a strange happiness and determination left from last night. Somehow, confessing his thoughts aloud made them even truer than they had ever been. All it took now was Sirius to wake up, or to provide the opportunity for them to be alone. Remus's smile faltered a bit when he remembered what had happened the last time they were alone, but that was past. Sirius felt badly about it – he certainly regretted it – and it had only happened because Sirius let passion and lust get the better of him. He had learned his lesson. Remus was willing to give second chances.

            He got dressed and was about to go down to the common room to think over exactly how to tell Sirius, but a small noise stopped him. He turned around and Peter was climbing out of bed, looking tired, but with a strange expression of epiphany on his face. Remus only stared at him, but Peter seemed not to care. He met Remus's gaze eye for eye, until he spoke, his voice shaking slightly, as though he were nervous. "Remus," he said, "I heard the strangest conversation last night. You, and Lily, and James…you were all in the common room, talking about something that Sirius did to you." He paused and tried to stop his hands from quivering, but he was unsuccessful. Giving up, he added, "It isn't true, is it? You and Sirius can't be together." He fixed an unwavering gaze on Remus, which was a rare and spectacular feat, since Peter never looked anyone in the eye, not even his own best friends.

            "If it would make you feel better, I would tell you that it's not true," Remus replied. "But I can't tell you that, because I don't want to lie, even if it would help you. Sirius and I are boyfriends, or rather, we were. But I don't feel like discussing what he did. It's over, and I want to forget it and forgive him."

            Peter took a small step back. "So it wasn't a joke," he murmured. "You and Sirius – I had a feeling, but I never knew that it was based on reality… I can't believe that _Sirius_ is gay."

            "He is, Peter," sighed Remus. "Sirius only slept with girls for the image. It's over now."

            "He sleeps with you now, I suppose," Peter said, looking almost sullen.

            "No," Remus said, taken aback. Peter never spoke out like that, and he never showed displeasure with his friends. He always went along with them, no matter how dangerous or how foolhardy their actions might seem. It hit Remus that a lot was changing about Peter this year, although he wasn't sure if he liked it. Fear oozed from Peter's every pore, cowardice floated from the air with each shaky breath. But that wasn't what made Remus wonder. No, it was the way Peter seemed sulkier this year, so much…angrier. He had an aura of hatred and negativity that was hard not to sense, even without enhanced senses. With a deep breath to calm his mind, Remus added, "We've never slept together, Peter. I don't think I'm quite ready for that yet."

            Peter nodded. "I don't really mind," he said, looking down and folding his fingers together to stop his hands twitching. "Just – don't do anything in front of me, please. I don't like the thought of seeing two men…snogging." He shuddered, as if the very words were unholy.

            "You have nothing to worry about," Remus assured him. "Privacy is important to us, at least to me. Most people aren't very – er – tolerant."

            "Yes," Peter said. "They aren't." He was nodding to himself.

            Remus thought it was probably wise to go on down to the common room, while it was still empty. He needed a little time to work things out with himself before he went and admitted everything to Sirius. He wasn't even sure how his words would be received. After all, he and Sirius had gone a day without talking – longer than they had ever done in their years as best friends. Remus was determined to make up for it – and make up for it he would.

Sirius got up too early for his taste. He was still feeling like jumping off the Astronomy tower, and being forced to wake up was not helping. Sliding out of bed, he glanced over to Remus's bed. It was empty, the curtains open and the sheets rumpled. It had been made in great haste, as though Remus had been eager to leave. _Probably to avoid me. I don't blame him_. Sirius dragged himself to his trunk and pulled out some clean robes. He got dressed and made himself look decently human, then slinked down the stairs to get some time alone before the common room filled up with chattering people.

            He plopped down on one of the couches and was staring into the fire when he noticed that he was not alone. In one of the chairs across the room, Remus was sitting, his hair falling across his face as he propped his chin on his knee with one hand. Sirius caught his breath. He didn't want to disturb Remus and ruin the moment; it was simply too peaceful, too good an opportunity to pass up. Yesterday morning, Remus had been very cold to him – with good reason, he knew – and if he spoke now, he had no doubt that Remus would act similarly.

            Remus was the first to look up. "Sirius," he breathed, jumping to his feet. His face turned a very faint, almost unnoticeable, shade of pink. Sirius was sure that he was about to leave, but instead, Remus came over and slowly seated himself beside Sirius on the couch. He was almost close enough for their hips to be touching. Sirius breathed in the pleasant smell that was so uniquely Remus, the smell he had been missing ever since he made the worst mistake of his life. "Sirius, I have to tell you…"

            "Remus, I'm so sorry," Sirius said, sliding off the couch and to his knees. He knelt in front of Remus, looking pleading and submissive. "I let passion and lust take over me. I violated you, Remmie, and I should have never even asked you to meet me…" Sirius reached for his hands, grasping them in his own. "I want you to forgive me. Even if you don't, though, I want you to know that I will always love you."

            "Sirius – that was what I meant to tell you," Remus said, feeling tears starting in his eyes. "I want to forgive you. I'm going to forgive you." He smiled just as the tears began rolling down his cheeks. He would have wiped them away, but he didn't want to take his hands out of Sirius's grip. "I love you, Siri. I always have – I always will."

            Sirius slowly moved his hands and placed them gently on either side of Remus's face, brushing the tears away with his thumbs. "Please don't cry, Remmie…you know I can't stand it when you cry."

            "I'm not crying because I'm sad," Remus said with a teary smile. "I'm just glad that you care this much…I thought I'd lost you, after what I did to you."

            "No," Sirius said, taking Remus's hand in his own again and kissing it softly. "I was the one who was wrong. I asked you there just to seduce you, and I pushed myself on you. I knew that I was disrespecting your wishes. For some stupid reason I thought you would just give up and let me win. I didn't deserve to win, Remmie, and I know it. You should win. You're too good for me, love. You always will be."

            "That's not true, Sirius," Remus protested. "I don't deserve you. I'm a monster and you're…perfect."

            "You're not a monster. You're my Remus, and I love you no matter what you do or what you are." Sirius kissed his hand again, but Remus only shook his head and leaned down to kiss him on the lips. He slid off the couch slowly and into Sirius's arms. "I'm sorry, love. I'm sorry for making things so hard for you," murmured Sirius between kisses.

            "Don't be. It's over. All that matters is now."

            They pulled apart, and Sirius brushed away the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes. "So you are willing to forgive me after all I've put you through?" he asked. He looked hopeful, but still had a trace of pleading in his eyes.

            Remus smiled. "Of course I'm willing to forgive you," he said. "It's in the past, I told you."

            Sirius was about to kiss Remus again when he heard people coming down the stairs. He smiled apologetically and pulled back. They both stood up and nonchalantly moved to two of the chairs in a secluded corner and sat, watching, as several younger girls came down their staircase. James was next to come down, looking tired and rather cranky. It seemed that something had woken him before he wanted to be, because he was continually taking off his glasses to rub his eyes. Peter followed, murmuring apologies to James for waking him. James was too busy watching Sirius and Remus to do much else but nod. He smiled when he noticed that they were actually sitting together, and that when they looked toward one another, it was a look filled with love, not hostility. He nodded to himself and sat down across the room. Peter had already rushed out of the portrait hole, though no one knew where he was going. Sirius and Remus really didn't care. They were far more focused on one another.

            Finally, after Lily came down and met James, they followed the other couple down to breakfast. As usual, they were ignoring what James was telling Lily until Sirius heard his name. He stepped up next to them. "What are you talking about?" he asked. Remus hurried up next to him, puzzled. He had assumed it was obvious the other two were talking about them.

            "You and Remus, of course," James replied nonchalantly. "I was just telling Lily that you two got back together. It is true, isn't it? Or were my eyes deceiving me back in the common room?" Both he and Lily were watching them with raised eyebrows.

            "It's true," Remus replied, before Sirius could open his mouth and protest.

            "Oh," James said, "While I'm thinking about it, Peter woke me up this morning and said he had something to tell me. I was so cranky that I didn't bother to let him say it, but do you know what it was?"

            Remus turned pink. Even Sirius was staring at him with interest now. "Last night, he overheard our conversation about Sirius and I," he said. "He wanted to know if what he had heard was true. He didn't know about us yet, and I think it scared him. You know Peter; he doesn't understand it if it's out of the ordinary."

            "You guys talked about me last night?" Sirius asked, looking confused.

            "Yes," James said. "You should feel honored that Remus wanted to talk about you when you two were broken up."

            "Oh." Sirius looked pleased with himself.

            Remus nudged him. "James, you shouldn't have said that. You just doubled his ego."

            "My ego is fine, thanks," Sirius protested, but he was still smiling.

            "Sure," James said.

            They reached the Great Hall, and Lily and James split off to go to a different end of the table. Remus and Sirius sat down where they always did, saving a spot for Peter, but he never showed up. They didn't mind, not technically; it gave them time to talk between themselves about current events that Sirius had missed, and vice-versa. Mostly it was talk about how miserable Sirius had been, and how guilty and torn Remus had felt. But soon the conversation ended, so that they could go on to Herbology.

            Finally, everything was right. And right was where Remus wanted it to stay.

A/N: Nice bit of fluff in there for those who like Sirius to be romantic. For the rest of you, though, don't kill me. I just like a bit of romance myself – is that too much to ask? Well, this is done sooner than I thought, which is a rare event for me. *Knocks on wood* Reviews are welcome, but no flames. I laugh at their stupidity and weakness. :D I'll write more and update later, hopefully soon. For now, this is it.


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